I woke up with some really interesting and weird thoughts flying around my head this morning. As a human, I am blessed with many things. I have five physical senses, with which I perceive the world and receive sensations. I have this amazing organ called the brain with which I process this information and form impressions. I have the ability to reason and think, I have logic at my command. It's as though I have a reason to be alive, and that reason is just to experience. I feel very strongly that I am not living life to the fullest - I have been sucked in to the "9-to-5" mentality. I wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep. Every day is the same, and I am not experiencing new things. Only one aspect of my life is exciting right now, of course that's Aidan. But the time I don't spend with him, and my work life... dull. I feel like my life is being wasted. It's creeping away, minute by minute, and I'm not doing anything with it. Time can go so quickly, before I know it I'm going to be old and dying and all I would ever have done is work at Australia Post. That is a little scary.

Aidan is helping me write this, as he helped me realise the truth. After years of repression and silent self-loathing, I have come to terms with the fact that I rock. I have made mistakes and I have done things I regret, yet this amazing person sitting beside me still manages to love and respect me. I guess that has to say something good about me!

I am beautiful
I am loved
I am wonderful

I know this now and a great weight is lifted from me. I am liberated and joyful. I have bared my soul and I am not ashamed any longer. I forgive myself, and that's more important than anybody else forgiving me. I can live with myself and my conscience is clean. And I have the love and support of Aidan. Life is good.

I got The Who CD in the mail this afternoon! Happy. Kind of tired though. Work. Ugh!

Today was such a beautiful day, weather-wise! It actually felt like spring. Mmmm free sunshine.

What an amazing weekend. Somehow Aidan tolerated spending Friday night through to Sunday evening with me. I'm impressed! We went to the zoo yesterday, that was fun. Neither of us had been there in years. Seals rock.

Work today was weird. The time went really quickly, and I got a fair amount done without feeling very busy. For a day at work, it was actually quite enjoyable. Although I did get to thinking, I don't want to end up stuck there forever. Howard's right, I've got to get out. I think I'll stick it out for a while, save up, go to Egypt as planned... then ditch it and find something worthwhile. Or possibly work there part-time and study something worthwhile. Whichever. Of course I'd have to go back on the phones, they won't let anybody be a part-time investigator. It just doesn't work that way. I don't know if I could afford to work part-time. It's rather a conundrum. Something to think about, anyway.

I am evil. I am a bad influence. I ought to be ashamed of myself. I have just coerced Aidan into coming over - it'll take him an hour to get here, and then we'll both have another night of little to no sleep. I kind of slept for about two hours this evening anyway, so I'll be ok. But he's just finished a bad shift at work and he'll be wrecked. I'm so awful. But I guess I couldn't have talked him into it so easily if he didn't want to anyway... still, I could have told him to stay home and get sleep... but then I wouldn't see him... and that would suck... oh the conundrum. Oh well, too late, he's coming now anyway. I feel bad, but... I feel good too!

Quoteable Quote of the Day (2)
[vlad_corgan] want some m&ms?
* vlad_corgan throws them at your picture
[vlad_corgan] shit
[vlad_corgan] one hit me

Today rocked. Busy and productive and the time went by so quickly. There was a lot to do, on account of having yesterday off. Nobody had filled in for me - turns out there were about three of us absent yesterday. Investigators, that is.

Quoteable Quote of the Day
Cossack: *Flicks Stace* *Laughs in an evil manner* Wobble! *Flicks Stace* *Laughs in an evil manner* Wobble! *Flicks Stace* *Laughs in an evil manner* Wobble! *Flicks Stace* *Laughs in an evil manner* Wobble!

I have come to the conclusion that I must have permanent dark circles under my eyes. No matter how much sleep I have or how energetic I feel, I see myself in the mirror and always think I look tired.

I had today off work. Called in sick. I was more tired than sick, but it's true that I wasn't feeling very well. I suppose being tired is just the price I pay for staying awake so late last night. It was worth it though, it was an incredible night. Very intense and emotional. We're going to have a cottage by the sea, with a red roof and a big front lawn to play cricket on. I'm going to have roses and fruit trees and a vegetable garden, and Aidan's going to rip up the lawn and kick my cat out to sea. But then he's going to rescue it and give it mouth-to-snout, or I'll kick him out to sea too.

What a great weekend. It has reached it's end and for once it's done what a weekend is meant to do. I'm feeling relaxed, content, happy with life. I am refreshed, optimistic, and complete. This picture isn't very good, but it's the only one of Aidan and I that I have. Taken Friday evening, or possibly sometime Saturday. I forget. It's been an Aidan-filled weekend. We also caught up with Andrew, Chantell, and Emily last night. It was Andrew's birthday this week. We bought him a Shrek figurine.

I hate the idea of sounding soppy and pathetic. I don't see myself as that kind of person. But this is my blog for my expression and memory. So if you don't like this next bit, you can bite me.

I can't believe how in love I am. Nobody's ever made me feel that way, just by looking at me, the way Aidan can. It's incredible. We seem to suit each other. Our minds work the same way, or something. I try in my head to list what it is I love about him, and then I recall what Angeline said: Love isn't about logic or reason. Unromantic as it sounds, it's all about pheromones and glands and whatnot. Chemicals. So I can sit here and say: Aidan is intelligent, funny, sweet, generous, and has a cute goofy grin. But there are millions of intelligent, funny, sweet, generous people out there (some of them probably even have cute goofy grins) and I'm not in love with any of them. Just Aidan. Sometimes I think too much.

For some reason I've got this awful feeling of dread about going to work tomorrow. It's just going to be a normal day with normal stuff happening, as far as I know. I haven't done anything wrong so I'm not going to get in trouble. But I just feel apprehensive. There is no reason whatsoever. It's very strange. I want tomorrow to be over.

I also feel all cold and shivery, even though I've got the heater on full and I know it must be like an oven in here.

I wonder if I'm coming down with something?

Nevertheless, I will face my irrational fears and go to work tomorrow. I will slug it out, another day, until the weekend.

Weekends are great.

I got another ear piercing today. It still hurts. It's up the top of my right ear. Looks cool though.

Today's been pretty good in general. For a day at work.

I had too much chocolate. Now, although I'm tired, I'm hyped up. And I need to be asleep an hour ago. I'm trying to listen to soothing music in the hope that it will help me relax, but so far it's not working!!! I can't even concentrate enough to put together a factsheet on John Wayne Gacy, the "Clown Killer". I'd call Aidan, except for two things: (1) I don't make phone calls, to anybody, ever, except my parents, and (2) he'd be asleep. I'll just have to make do with chatting to Alex online. Alex funny.

Quoteable Quote of the Day
Trebek says:
thought u were dead or something
Red tape is fun says:
i was at cossack's
Trebek says:
so it was WORSE

Alex funny. Stace hyperactive. Cossack watching the Edinburgh Military Tattoo. Aidan sleeping. Your wife not nurse. She nurse, your wife patient. Be patient, she nurse your wife!!! Oops, accidental Monty Python reference. Possibly I am going slightly insane. All I can say is, it's about time! That reminds me, Aidan's been going on about Dennis Moore. I found it! Not that it was hard to find. It just kept slipping my mind, to find it. Although that's not complete. Oh well.

Enough rambling!!!

Countess Elizabeth Bathory

Deaths
Approximately 650
Period Active
Late 16th Century, early 17th Century
Method / Characteristics
Torturered and murdered young virgins from her village. Peasants would be suspended in a cage above the countess and impaled on spikes, so that she could shower or bathe in their still warm blood. She believed this would restore her body to youthfulness. Some of the peasants were kept alive and “bled” on a regular basis; chained to dungeon walls, these girls would be whipped, or have ropes tied so tightly around limbs that it caused a torniquet effect – when the vein was opened, blood would spurt out so hard it often hit the opposite wall.
Fate
Elizabeth was eventually found out and locked in a room in her own castle. She eventually died in that room in 1614.

I've been really bored and lethargic today. I have done nothing productive, I've seen nobody except Cossack who took me out for breakfast this afternoon. I slept for a couple of hours, and I've done my washing. I'm in the process of writing up some concise factsheets on serial killers. That's it.

Other doings of late include catching up with several people on Friday night. First after work I dragged Aidan off to the Royal Melbourne hotel to meet Wayne, Olivia, Gill, and a few other old TeleTech people. Then we headed off to the Oxford Schollar and caught up with Chantell, Al, Leigh, and Leigh's girlfriend who's name I've forgotten. However by about 8 or 9 I was dead tired so we left quite early and came back to my place. I lured Aidan into staying here all day yesterday, so he got absolutely no study done, but he nicked off at about 9 last night and has been studying today.

I'm still doing Investigations at work, and loving it. I'm hoping for this to be permanent, although god knows how likely that is.

I'm so bored. I think I'll go back to serial killers, they're entertaining.