Well, last night was the Engagement/Housewarming party, and I think it went pretty well! Aidan and I were both somewhat nervous about the whole thing - what if nobody shows up, what if people don't like other people, and so forth. But it went really really well. The following people came: Andrew S, Chantell, Dom, Emma, Emily, Shane K, Shane G, the other Andrew, Matt, Mark, and I think that's it. Cossack didn't make it, which may or may not be a good thing - he can be very antagonistic!

So now I'm at home doing some cleaning up and washing and blogging, and Aidan is in Seaford supposedly writing an essay but probably playing computer games! Well, maybe not. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. It's silly, you'd tihnk I'd be sick of having him around by now... but I actually miss him. I always miss him. Sigh.

This is the first time I'm spending a whole day on my own since moving here. I've spent a few hours here by myeslf. It's kind of odd. I'm not sure what to do with my time. I've done a little cleaning up - when I say "a little" I mean so little that Aidan probably won't notice when he gets home. I watched Jesus Christ Superstar on DVD. Now I'm blogging. And I've still got lots of hours I don't know what to do with!

untitled

There must be something better. Surely I do not exist purely as a target for
people's aggression.

Our First Fight

It is a monumental occasion. It's exciting, and it's finally over and done with like Aidan's been wanting for months! And I'm still head over heels in love with him - possibly even more than before! Phew!

I've decided that fundamentally men do have a hell of a lot more similarities than I'd like. I won't say they're all the same because they're not. But not one of them has an iota of, I don't even know what. A combination of common sense, responsibility, and logic, possibly.

A while ago Aidan and I were comparing the things that really piss us off, or something. So I told him my big no-no, which is people being late or not showing up without letting me know. As long as I know, I'm fine. But if I don't know, I tend to "wait" for people - not move from where I am, not eat if I intend to eat with this person, and so forth. So, what does Aidan decide to do tonight? Instead of coming home after work, he decides to drop in on his old place in Seaford where Matt and Shane still live. He'll be home around 7, instead of the 4.30-5 I expected. One simple SMS letting me know that, and I would have been absolutely fine. Instead, I was waiting for him. Getting hungrier. Lonlier. More tired.

Oh yeah, it sounds like a small thing. But I reckon if I added up all the time I've spent in my life waiting for other people, I'd have a couple of years there that I could have done something useful with.

Maybe I am at fault. Maybe it's some little anal thing that only bugs me and nobody else cares. Maybe it's one more thing to add to the list of things about myself which are unreasonable or stupid, one more thing to try not to get pissed off about. Maybe I'm sick of trying to be perfect. Give me this fault. There's a hell of a lot of things I don't mind. I'm incredibly open minded, and I don't believe in getting in the way of any other person's good time - there must be a hundred things about which Aidan has looked at me incredulously and said "You really don't mind?" So let me mind this one thing. This punctuality thing. Let me get annoyed, I'm allowed. I'm not perfect.

I am a disappointment.

Other people's daughters have high-profile, well-paying jobs and expensive cars. Other people's fiances don't mind them getting home late. Other people's friends call them more often. Other people's employees are dedicated to their work.

Fuck.

Rain rain go away...

Lonsdale Street is flooded.

Umbrellas are turning inside-out.

Waterproof just means the water that gets inside can't get out again.

I modelled the "drowned rat" look at a job interview.

Well here I am! Established in a new apartment in Mentone, living with Aidan! How exciting! Needless to say it's been a busy week & weekend. I hate moving, but I love having moved!

ROXETTE - Vulnerable Lyrics

Everywhere I look I see her smile
Her absent-minded eyes
And she has kept me wondering for so long
How this thing could go wrong.

It seems to me that we are both the same
Playing the same game
But as darkness falls this true love falls apart
Into a riddle of her heart.

She's so vulnerable, like china in my hands
She's so vulnerable and I don't understand
I could never hurt the one I love
She's all I've got
But she's so vulnerable
Oh so vulnerable.

Days like these no one should be alone
No heart should hide away
Her touch is gently conquering my mind
There's nothing words can say.

She's coloured all the secrets of my soul
I've whispered all my dreams
But just as nighttime falls this vision falls apart
Into a riddle of her heart, yea.

She's so vulnerable, like china in my hands
She's so vulnerable and I don't understand
I could never hurt someone I love
She's all I've got
But she's so vulnerable
Oh so vulnerable.

Don't hide your eyes...

It was an emotional night, and I'm left feeling tired and confused. Apparently I've been demanding and pushy this week, and I've taken a dominant or masculine role in the relationship. This seems to be the direct result of this whole house-moving thing. I viewed the property, I got the application forms, I pushed for a sooner moving-in date, I connected the electricity and phone. I thought I was being helpful and efficient, I thought I was saving Aidan the bother of all that menial stuff. But apparently what I did was a Bad Thing. I feel like a scolded dog - Master threw a stick and I fetched it, how was I supposed to know it was dynamite? Yes, I've taken charge of this whole thing, but that's just how I am. I'm used to knowing that if I don't just go ahead and do something, it probably won't get done. I'm used to knowing that if I leave it up to somebody else, they'll fuck up, and if I wait to discuss things with someone it'll get done too late. Mostly I'm used to doing things myself. Now I've upset Aidan. He feels useless and pushed aside. Understandable. But I thought I was doing the right thing. So I cried a lot last night and I'm crying now and I'm confused and hurt and sad. His SMS this morning said "Forget it, I'm fine", but the words "forget it" always make it sound like things aren't ok, and when Aidan says "I'm fine" he generally isn't. So I'm probably going to go the opposite way when he gets home later: submissive, passive, and timid for fear of upsetting him again.

The things people expect...

Somehow every customer seems to think that all the information they could
ever possibly desire about Australia Post should be on our website. Do they not realise just how many products and services we provide? It's not as though we just deliver mail or only provide personal banking facilities. On our intranet site there is an ever-growing list of our products and services, I got bored today and counted them. Seventy-nine, that's 79, products and services, and that's an incomplete list. How are we meant to provide detailed information on each and every one of them on one website? Maybe
it's just me, but that seems awfully difficult. Especially given that no given person in this entire organisation knows everything about everything. Except maybe Carolyn. Possibly Allan. But nobody else!

Australia Post pays it's Customer Service Consultants more than retail staff or delivery staff. That is to say, the people who handle complaints are paid more than the people who cause them.

The news is: Aidan and I are moving in together on Friday! It basically all happened in the last three days. On Saturday I went to inspect the place and grab the application forms. Monday morning I faxed them through to the agent. Monday afternoon she called and said we'd been approved! So I'm excited. Even though I'm tired. I barely slept last night, I was restless for hours and I don't know why.