Problem Identification

I've worked in the same field for so long that my mind has narrowed. I am no
longer open to all possibilities. When considering future careers, all I can
think of is call centres or bookshops.

When I was a child I dreamt of being a singer, an actor, a marine biologist,
and everything in between! Now my dreams are dead.

I hope that a nice long break and a trip overseas will re-open my mind, and
allow me to see all options and paths. When money is no longer something
that needs to be saved, maybe I can study a little, muck around with
different jobs, whatever...

Spoons in Popular Culture

"There is no spoon." - The Matrix
"I found a spoon." - Terry Pratchett's Reaper Man
The Tick

(to be continued... any suggestions, leave me a comment!)

You wouldn't think that a parcel could just vanish. But they do, on a
regular basis. An item with a barcode might be scanned at the correct
Delivery Centre on the correct date - but then it disappears! Addressee
denies receipt, it's not at the Post Office, it's not in the Dead Letter
Office! Gone! Where?

Oh God No...

I've been at work for 40 minutes, and already I'm bored and apathetic.
Already there have been debates over policies and procedures and petty
politics. Already I want to go home. I keep reminding myself that I only
have to be here for another 2 months, that's 8 weeks, but that's 2 months
too long.

Where am I living?

I feel like I'm in America! In the last few weeks there have been bomb
scares at Werribee Plaza and Southland Shopping Centre, and today there's
been an "alleged" shooting out the back of the Reservoir Post Office. Nobody
seems to know anything about it, though...

As of today, Aidan and I have been together for exactly one year. There have, of course, been ups and downs, but on the whole it's been incredible.

How can I even begin to describe the last twelve months? It's been a blur of romance, intensity, and happiness, with the occasional minor irritation or misunderstanding thrown in. On those occasions, we assume the Fighting Position - holding each other as tightly as possible, crying on each other's shoulders.

I have grown up so much in the last year, and changed for the better. I've wanted so badly to become a better person, to deserve Aidan. I think perhaps I'm getting there, albeit slowly. We have both been through a lot in life, and although the scars are not physical, I think we have begun to heal each other's souls.

Aidan, I want to thank you for... everything. Being there for me, letting me be there for you, understanding, loving, and accepting. I love you with all my heart and soul, and will always do so.

Well, yesterday was improved, however unlikely this may seem, by watching Spiderman and Spiderman 2 back-to-back, and then I was in a good mood when Aidan got home! We went "shopping" (yes, SexyLand and some other adult shop in Braeside), went out to a Thai place for dinner... happy night!

I don't like tonight. Aidan's at a Seether concert, I'm home by myself. I'm bored, lonely, and I have a headache. This place is a mess, and instead of cleaning it up I'm wallowing in it, and in my own self-pity. I am fully aware that if I clean up tonight, I'll have shit all to do tomorrow while Aidan's at work. And on Sunday while Aidan's at work. What kind of weekend do you call this? "I'll put off cleaning so I won't be too bored later." As if it's some kind of treat I'm saving up for when I really deserve it. God my head is killing me. It has been all afternoon. I wish it wasn't too early for sleep. I tried to make bread again tonight, but despite being in the oven at 200 degrees for almost an hour it just stayed doughey and yuck. In the end I lost my temper and threw it in the bin. One more failed bread attempt. I've been weirdly moody tonight, talking and yelling to myself, throwing things around, crying, and so forth. I'm ok now, more sedate, although still down. My head feels like a tetanus injection. The same on-going ache that just won't go away no matter what I do. I just want to scream at it, "FUCK OFF!!!" but I know it's useless. I mean the pain, not my actual head. My head is sort of useful at times and I'd rather it didn't fuck off. I think I've decided to abolish paragraphs. Or maybe I just didn't bother putting any in.

What an odd day. Everybody's desks were all messed up this morning, as if
somebody's just trashed them for the sake of it or like there's been a very
strong wind come through! Then the fire alarm went off - false alarm, no
evacuation, drat! Also I'm in a weird mood - sort of hyperactive, but angry
at the same time. See previous update!

God Help Me (Not that I believe in God, but that's another story)

Everywhere I look there's somebody getting me down. Files and emails at work
are full of whinging customers who have no life and don't seem to realise
it's a human being they're dealing with. People in the street who look at
you funny if you smile. Colleagues who look at you even funnier if you
imitate the Wicked Witch of the West in an attempt to make the fax machine
work. It's driving me insane!!!!!!

I must say, I feel great! Since giving up gluten and getting used to it (yes, I know it's only been since Wednesday) I've felt wonderful! I'd just gotten used to having stomach grumbles and indigestion, so much so that I rarely mentioned it unless it got really bad - like it did most evenings. But during the day I never complained. It was just the way life was. But now - no grumbles! No nausea! No indigestion!

Anyway. Today is... actually it's too early to tell how today is. It's Sunday, which means Aidan's at work and I'm at home. I've done a little cleaning, washing, dishes, etc. Now I'm bored. Just downloading and listening to music.

Oh yeah, Fang died. So within about two months of getting two goldfish, we now have none left. What are we doing?! I've had goldfish survive for years before. Or at least one year. You put them in water and give them food, it's not exactly rocket surgery! Oh well. I guess this means we don't have to worry about someone looking after the fish while we're overseas!

Seems I may be gluten intolerant. Also seems this new gluten-free diet may
take some getting used to. Whilst I haven't had the usual indigestion feel
today and yesterday, instead I've just got the runs and feel hungry and
empty - like everything I eat just goes straight through me. Grrr.

Mooooods!!!

Today has been odd. Sometimes I haven't been able to stop laughing. On the
other hand, I almost smashed my monitor with my fist just now.

Yawn.

I've had a cold since Friday and I think it's taken a turn for the worse tonight. My eyes are sore, as is my nose/sinus sort of stuff, I'm having to breath through my mouth and I just generally feel tired and sore and icky. But I can't take tomorrow off work - there was a massive system failure today so nothing got done which means we all have to do a heck of a lot tomorrow. Bugger.

Me...

It's hard to believe nice things about myself, when I know myself to be lazy
and self-centred. In fact I have spent many an hour in front of a mirror
telling myself every negative thing I can think of about myself.

Talking to Dale is a very strange experience. She <i>listens</i>. She's so
intent! Staring at you and nodding and absorbing everything you say... it
freaks me out sometimes!