Being the Good One

The people across the road from me have been letting off fireworks for a couple of days now. I trust the intensity will increase in about 13 minutes, too. It is totally illegal to buy, sell, own, or use fireworks in Victoria - but if it wasn't, I would love to be letting off my own. How come THEY get to do it, and presumably get away with it? How come they feel no qualm, no fear, no guilt? Why do I have to be the good one all the time? I never do a bloody thing wrong. And you know what annoys me even more? Fireworks are illegal because they're unsafe if used stupidly. What that means is that too many people used them stupidly, and now I'm paying the price. I was going to say everybody else is paying the price, but clearly that's not the case, as the people across the road demonstrate! I'm fed up with being the good one while other people have fun. Why can't I go on a murderous rampage? Oh yeah, because I'm the good one. Why can't I steal things I can't afford to pay for? Oh yeah, the good one. Why can't I let off fireworks in my backyard on a total fire ban day? Oohhhh yeah, good one. Bloody morals!

My grandfather died on Thursday, and his funeral was today. Don't chime in with commiserations; I wasn't close to him and I'm not really upset. But this is a musing on the funeral.

It would appear that my grandparents (dad's parents) were quite religious, and grandpa's service today reflected that. There was a lot of stuff about Jesus guiding us through our grief and knowing that grandpa is with Jesus now and looking down on us and stuff. And as I sat there listening to this tripe, I was thinking. I've never been religious, but I know that other people are, and I can accept that, in an abstract kind of way. But to sit there and listen to a person actually say those things brought it home to me in a way I've never before experienced: actual real live people in the world BELIEVE this garbage. This guy presiding over the funeral, whatever he was, really truly believed that my grandfather was now with Jesus, and that He personally would help each person there deal with their grief. The guy believed in God and Jesus and Heaven in a real and tangible way which seemed to me utterly ludicrous - and even more insulting, he seemed to expect me to believe that too!

By the end of the ceremony, I was wondering how many brain cells I had lost by listening.

Ellie at mum and dad's

Elspeth has been a holy terror today! Perhaps holey might be the better word; she's got a graze on her head and a cut on her toe! But the injuries, as usual, don't seem to bother her. She's just having a random grump day. I guess it's because she just spent three days with her grandparents (my parents), and now she's back home and it's sooooo booooring!! Nanna and Poppa dote on her all the time and play with her and think she's awesome; but Mummy's trying to do other things - god forbid I do anything other than pay attention to the child! Uni started today, for me, so I've been really keen to get into it. I have done quite a bit, certainly more than I expected to, but I was constantly distracted. I find it somewhat ironic that I was neglecting the eduation of my child in order to educate myself about educating children... (I'm doing a Bachelor of Early Childhood Education), so perhaps I should be applying each page-worth of knowledge immediately after reading it in order to keep the girl happy! I have far too much on this week - which is why I wanted to get stuck into uni work today. Tomorrow I have a friend coming over for dinner; Wednesday is my grandfather's funeral (don't worry, we weren't close); Thursday is our mothery meet-up. Friday... oh, I think I actually have Friday free! I believe I shall sleep. :)

I'm going to the dentist tomorrow. I don't hate or fear dentists like a lot of people do, but I don't really like them either - which is why I've been putting this off for nearly five years. My teeth are in a shocking state; the dentist is either going to have a heart attack or a wet dream. The worst thing is I'll have to take Elspeth with me, as neither my husband nor my mother can look after her tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Begin rant.

Right, I hate people. Honestly, I never saw myself as being that great, until I started comparing myself with others.
So many people in the world are stupid, will-fullly ignorant, weak-willed, greedy, petty, and filled with hatred.
Oh my, I guess I fit into that last category, at least!
Seriously, I can't go ONE SINGLE DAY anymore without wondering WHERE DID HUMANITY GO WRONG??? Whether it's reading the news, or talking to friends (or mere acquaintances) or reading forums... there are fucked up people everywhere. I'm beginning to come to a point where I wouldn't mind if mankind went extinct, even though it would take me and the few people I love too!

My virtues:
I admit my ignorance on most matters, and will change my mind on something if enough reliable information is presented.
I try to discuss differences of opinion in a calm and rational manner instead of striding off in a huff.
I have come through some shit in my life and GOTTEN THE HELL OVER IT to reach a stage where I'm happy with what I've got - I don't do "traumatised".
I have NEVER gotten drunk to a point where I've done something completely and totally screwed up like this guy.

Why are there people older, and presumably wiser, than me, who just can't get their shit together and/or can't act like decent human beings?

So over it.

End rant.

Well, I'm not doing so well now. According to my calculations, I should be at 8,000 words by the end of today. It's 4.30pm and I've only just got over 5,000. Unless I have a big run tonight, I think I'm buggered! I probably should have been planning a novel for months, instead of deciding what to write about on the morning of the 1st!

NaNoWriMo strikes again! Yes folks, November is National Novel Writing Month. I'm aiming for 2,000 words per day, that should get me nicely over the required 50,000 words, or get me to the target a little early. So far today I have 1,589. Well on track!

This year's wordcount tips:

Give characters two-word names such as Mary Lou, Billy Bob, and so on, and use their full name every time they are referred to.
Try not to use contractions - don't is one word, while do not is two!
Have a character fascinated with etymology, who feels compelled to explain the meanings and/or origins of almost every word he says.
Include long descriptions of people and places - adjectives are your friend!

Wish me luck. :)

The spiders are out to get me again. In recent days I have noticed a large number of very small spiders around my house, all of the same type - this says to me that somewhere around, probably inside, is their mummy. Just thinking of this makes my skin prickle and my chest tighten. I sort of want to find her and kill her, but I also don't actually want to come across her.

Bloody Stupid Advertising

Take a look at this bus station ad which I photographed myself this morning.

"Life's better connected."

What does that even mean? You can't use a comparative term without giving something to be compared. Life's better connected than an unlikely shimmering silver sphere? Even if it were a complete sentence, it still wouldn't mean anything, and would certainly have no relevance to a car!

Advertising these days gives me the shits. So much of it seems meaningless, pointless, stupid. Are consumers so mindless that we buy into this rubbish? Do empty buzzwords really sell products? I guess they must.

I find this style of advertising somewhat insulting. Clearly the people behind the product do not expect me to have the will or the capacity to question the ad. Instead I'm supposed to go, "Wow, that is so true, life IS better connected!" or something. I also find it disappointing that this style of advertising actually does work - it has to, or they'd stop doing it. In other words, I am upset that
a) they expect me to be stupid, and
b) other people obviously are.

Spiders and I do not get along. In fact, they scare the living shit out of me.

This has not always been a case.

As a child, I'm sure I was tolerant of arachnids.

But one day in primary school, a substitute teacher told us a story of a woman who was bitten by a certain type of spider, and whose skin subsequently rotted away and she died.

Since then, my fear of spiders has gotten worse and worse, and now I have no hesitation in calling it a phobia.

As such, I am always a little bit proud of myself when I manage to kill one - firstly because I had rid the world of one more of the little bastards, but mostly because I know I got close enough to the sucker to kill it!

And so I relate today's incident...

There has been a spider living in a gap in the brickwork outside our front door for quite some time. I've known about it, but as long as I can't see it when I walk past, I can pretend to myself that I'm ok. However, today I finally decided to do something about it.

Now, knowing the randomly scuttling habits of dying spiders, I donned boots and long sleeves, and armed myself with an almost-full bottle of crawling insect killer - I know spiders aren't insects, but it does work.

So, with the baby safely in bed and out of the way, I began spraying. I was saying to myself over and over (yes, out loud), "You stay in your hole, spider, die in there, do not come out..." So, what did my friend decide to do? You guessed it - out he scuttled, ran halfway across the ceiling of the porch, and dropped to the ground, still moving, running every whichway.

And me? I was hyperventilating, my pulse was racing, and I kept on spraying! "Die, you bastard, die!"

Very shortly the spider's erratic course brought him towards the door. This meant it was moving away from me, but this could be even worse! If that spider got inside the house, I was definitely going to freak out. More. I couldn't handle it being in my house. It had to die before crawling under the door. Had to! I sprayed some more!

Oh god, yes, it was beginning to slow down! It fell into the gap between the doormat and the door. A spider who falls is a spider who is nearly dead. Oh yes! It curled up and died, right there beside the doormat.

It is there yet. No matter how dead a spider is, you won't catch me touching it or going any nearer than I have to. But I can handle stepping over it while it is obscured by the doormat!

So, the effect on me? Yes, my little bit of pride. But I'm also a shivering wreck. This always happens to me after a close encounter; my skin crawls, I imagine that every mark on the ceiling and every thread that touches me is a spider, in my mind they're everywhere. I can feel one on my back right now, I know it is there just as surely as I know it isn't! It is highly likely I will dream of spiders tonight.

But I won.

For all my lovely and loyal followers, if there are any left, I now intend to blog more regularly over at The Baby, She Crazy! This is because most of my doings these days are baby-related, and somehow it seemed appropriate to pretty much give her a blog of her own! I will probably still update here sometimes, when I do things that have nothing to do with Elspeth. So, like, in 50 years or so... haha

I'm complaining about last night.

Little Ellie has been sleeping right through the night 99% of the time since she was four months old. But last night was just the pits. She woke up at 2.15am, for no real reason that I could find. I think she does have a tooth on the way, but at that point she didn't actually seem to be in pain. She simply would not re-settle for over two hours; it was past 4.30 by the time she and I both got back to sleep. And then, of course, I had to get up at 7am as usual to feed her and all that morning stuff. It's now just past midday: Ellie has been fed twice and bathed and had a nap (I also had a nap), while I'm still in my pyjamas and haven't showered, and I've only eaten a couple of slices of tinned peach. I have a splitting headache and I keep feeling dizzy, and I know I should probably eat more and maybe even leave the house, but all I want to do is go back to sleep. I'm hanging out for Ellie's next nap (maybe another half hour or an hour...) and then I think I'll nap again. And THEN, by which time it will be about 2pm, I will start my day. :P

Ellie and I went down to the lake today for a picnic and some fun.

So many leaves! Only two hands and one mouth! What to do?!

The weather was nice, so we stayed down there just playing for a couple of hours.

She also tried to chase some magpies! They all got away, though.

She kept trying to shove leaves up my nose, in my eyes, and into my mouth. Yummy! I think she got more in my mouth than her own!

No celebrity seems to ever actually do
anything wrong.

They're not immoral or criminal, oh no. They have an illness or an addiction. Since when does that make things okay?

Tiger Woods, hello? Sex addiction? Or just a sleazebag? Oh right, he has lots of money and publicists and a lot of people relying on his good reputation; of course it has to be a sex addiction. Ditto David Duchovny.

Amy Winehouse is always fun. She claims to be addicted to everything - sex, drugs, and alcohol! No, woman, you're addicted to publicity! For no matter what else she has - whether it be the addiction or the treatment, she gets attention!

Charlie Sheen's ex-wife says he's addicted to internet porn. Makes me wonder how he finds the time to learn his lines for Two and a Half Men. Maybe he just likes to whack off, and what guy doesn't?

Wynonna Judd is addicted to food!! I hope nobody tries to make her give that one up; she might get cured but only until she starves to death. It's not alright to simply be overweight, or to have no willpower, or even to have a genetic tendency to weight problems. Nope, if you're famous it has to be an addiction!

Perhaps we need to stop seeing addiction as an excuse, and start holding people responsible for their behaviour, how about that? WEIRD IDEA?!

Today was Cheap Shopping day! ALDI and Big W, hooray! Did you know you can get 50 nappies for $16 from ALDI? That's awesome. And 80 baby wipes for under $3. Love love love.





Also bought some warm winter clothes for Ellie from Big W. She has hardly any warm clothes in the sizes she'll be needing over winter. So I bought lots of socks and a cute jacket for her. If anyone fancies giving her a present, warm size 1 clothing with minimal pink if you please!!

Well, it was a normal boring Sunday until somebody had the bright idea of a picnic lunch! The sun was shining intermittently, the wind was blowing like mad, and we set off with cheeses and crackers to Canberra's Carillon.

Ellie got into everything - she went for the brie, and then the blue, then the cheddar. Then the cheese knife. Then the kabana, and the salami. Finally she settled on a cheesy breadstick.

However, it wasn't long before the wind picked up even further, and dark clouds menaced. We packed up hurriedly to head home, and indeed we did get spat upon from above on our way home.

But we made it back alive and unscathed, with plenty of left-overs for dinner!

Today was the Hens Afternoon Tea of my friend Krystle, in Weston Park by the lake. A lovely day was had by all! I was pleasantly surprised that there were some people there I knew, and I even won a prize in one of the games - a bucket of lollies.

Upon my return home, Aidan went out to Josh's Bucks Night.

And I discovered that Ellie has a new tooth JUST popped through the gum today! No wonder she was crying so much for, like, half an hour.

Pics of the regatta for Cazzie :)
There are more HERE

Dear God,

Why did you invent alcohol? And young men? And if you had to invent them, couldn't you have kept them apart? Didn't you know you were inviting trouble by combining them, or letting them combine?

There is a group of young men in the hotel across the road from here. I think they are playing some kind of game, because periodically their voices are raised in unintelligible shouts. It does not sound violent or menacing; it has that quality of arrogance, of being obnoxious and over-confident and completely unconscious of irritation, that comes of too much testosterone and not enough maturity.

At any rate, it's very annoying. I've half a mind to step out into my yard and yell "SHUT UP!" for surely if I can hear them, they will hear me. But they (probably) aren't breaking any laws, and they're just silly enough not to care for my puny opinion.

So anyway, God, if you'd care to convert me, just be a good chap and strike 'em down, eh?

Thanks!

Stace

Ok... Chris-inspired, I'm going to attempt to write a sentence or two.

Ellie is standing up now, by pulling herself up on the side of the cot. She is also crawling really well.

Now, the last week or so I have actually done stuff, yay, so here it is...

On Friday 26th March, Aidan and Ellie and I drove all the way from Canberra to Rye (almost 800km, or about 470 miles) to go to a friend's wedding on Saturday. Dedication, huh? It was a really nice wedding on the beach, although Ellie grumped a little bit. She slept through the reception in the groom's mother's spare bedroom. Lots of fun was had by all, especially the best man who appeared to adopt some little kid who looked exactly like him.

On Sunday we started back for Canberra - except my parents convinced me to stay with them with Ellie while Aidan went on home. Aidan had to work, and my parents were going to Canberra later anyway, so he went on and us girls stayed in Euroa. It was really nice; my dad is a hugely doting grandparent, and mum little less so! So it was nice and peaceful and we all had lots of fun.

Then we all came up to Canberra because dad was sailing in a model boat regatta. Yay! So mum and dad stayed here for a couple of days for that, and then went home.

And now it's just me and Aidan and Ellie again. She has a slight cold and is a bit miserable. Aidan's been sick too, and I think I'm getting it now as well.

So anyway, I had my cocktail party last night to celebrate my birthday. It was lots of fun, I think everybody enjoyed themselves. I didn't take any photos though. :(

Just a couple of shots from the Melbourne trip... late. :)

Sitting in Hudsons's Coffee stealing the internet from Mag Nation next door. Melbourne! Loving it. Except I have wicked period pains right now. Ouchies. Otherwise having fun. Saw Tammy and her little Alexis for lunch yesterday; I haven't seen her in years so I expected awkwardness, but now we're both married with kids we have much more in common than we ever used to!! So that was good.

Having lunch with Wayne shortly. He's suggested Dragonboat, which is expensive, so I hope he intends to pay!! Then mudmeet later tonight with the Melbournites.

Muuust... bloooooog.... MOOOOOOORE!!!

I just had to come home early from a dinner party because Ellie decided to scream instead of sleep. I can't say I blame her; one of the women there had a particularly loud voice that must have been very difficult to try sleeping through!! Oh well, had fun while I was there, and maybe next time Hannah will have a partaaayyy on a night Aidan's not working, so I can leave Ellie with him!

Initial impression from the sonographer yesterday is that Ellie's hip is "slightly immature" but that's nothing to worry about. Still waiting on the final report from the doctor who reviews the ultrasound images, we'll have that on Monday. Should be fine.

I have been ultra-efficient mum today. I got up at 7am, fed and changed Ellie, put a load of washing on, and a load of dishes in the dishwasher. Went shopping, put Ellie back down for her nap, then finally had breakfast. After Ellie's nap, she had elevenses and a bath, and lots of playtime, and I've put another load of washing in the machine. I also made a start on dinner before realising that we're going out tonight and not eating at home!

Also, somewhere in there, I squeezed in a teensy weensy nap for myself. Not for the first time, I wondered why they're called "nanna naps" when mummas take them too! Then I had a coffee, really strong, with sugar, and now my leg keeps twitching. Related, maybe?? I don't usually drink coffee; I only started fairly recently specifically to keep myself awake and not because I actually like it. I hate it, which is why I put sugar in it.

I can't believe Elspeth is nearly seven months old now. Things have all just happened so fast! She can sit up on her own now, at least until she loses concentration, she has a third tooth on the way (to judge from the chewing and chomping and crying), she chuckles at everything, and she's just gorgeous.

But today we have to take her to get an ultrasound, because the doctor thinks her hips might be developing crooked or something. Asymmetrical. There is an extra crease on one leg that isn't on the other, which might simply be an extra fat roll, or it may indicate a problem. I guess we'll find out at three o'clock this afternoon.

Cross your fingers for us!!

Quick note - Ellie's first two teeth popped through today! Both in the lower gum, right near the middle.

Sometimes I don't recognise myself.

I'm sure I used to be timid and shy. I recall once upon a time refusing to buy myself a pair of shoes because I didn't want to talk to the person at the counter. I think mum had to get them for me. I was probably about 13.

Now I yell at people for not using their indicators, and confront people about their poorly thought out beliefs and values.

Not so long ago I overheard a man talking to his wife about "Australian values". Frankly I haven't got a clue what they are, so I asked him. And he said, "They are what I went and fought in Viet Nam for." Sadly I didn't have time to discuss the matter further; I had to go through the check-out. But I would have loved to have told that guy his answer said nothing and made no sense.

I have opinions. I believe in them. I have no qualms in making them known.

For instance, there is no such thing as "Australian values". It is a phrase bandied about by politicians to gain votes from the patriotic, but never explained. I'm quite sure I share very few values with the kind of politician who'd say that, or the kind of voter who'd believe in it.

I also think that what human beings do to each other is disgusting. I would like to believe that we have moved beyond the primitive fight for survival and supremacy, but the more I read the news the more I see that people are indeed behaving primitively - I would say "like barbarians" but I think barbarians were more advanced than, say, Neanderthals. Just. And the things we do to each other are not justified as they might have been millions of years ago. Not at all. The things we do are heinous, and the reasons given are pathetic.

Another opinion of mine is that, truly, "religion is the opiate of the masses". The quote I stole, the opinion is my own. Religion is one of the above-mentioned pathetic reasons to do things to people. It is also a catalyst for conflict. There are thousands of religions in the world, each believing itself to be right while the others are wrong. Even within the same religion there are sects and schisms and debates. And it's all over things which may or may not have happened in the distant past. Surely we can leave all that behind us?

The last opinion I'm going to go into is my very own prejudice, and I think it's the only one I've got: stupidity. I hate stupid people. I don't mean uneducated; the underprivileged can't help the lack of resources available to them. I mean people who have the means but not the will. It's so much easier to just believe things - the bible, the newspaper, what Their Sharon Said About Our Shawn.

So anyway, that's me.

Ghost update...

Just a quick post about a couple of inexplicable thuds and bangs in here tonight. Sounded like the baby's chair thing being dropped onto the side table, but since it was already sitting there quite flat and secure... hmmm.

Also a very strong feeling of being watched tonight. I was sitting around in my underpants (hey, it's hot, ok?!) and I've had to put my jeans back on because I felt too vulnerable!!

The world of Stace right now... Aidan's into his second week of night shift, so I don't see an awful lot of him - at least, not awake.

We have a property inspection tomorrow, and if that bloody woman mentions my unwashed dishes again I'll rip her head off. Her job is to inspect the condition of the rental property, not my housekeeping. Also if she mentions the garden I shall point out that Australia has been in drought for about 15 years so I'm not about to waste water on this pathetic excuse for a garden.

On Friday afternoon we're heading down to Victoria for a few days - it will be Elspeth's first ever visit to her parents' home state! So that'll be fun. Friday morning won't be fun at all, because she will be getting injections. Ouchies!

I'm quite tired today. I went to a friend's place for a "party" last night - just because it was Tuesday, and she had leftover wine. I didn't stay that late, but having such fun got me buzzing so I couldn't sleep for ages after I got home! And then, of course, Aidan got home at about 5.30am, and then Ellie woke up at 7am... so it was a short and broken sleep for me! Again. Not to worry, it's all in a good cause!

On a poorly chosen stinking hot afternoon (today), a family of three (us) went to Cockington Green Gardens, a collection of miniature buildings set amongst lovely gardens to the north of Canberra. I enclose for your enjoyment some photos!

I loved the garden on this - the tiny trees and creepers!

So anyway, it's been a little while since I blogged. Again. I'm getting slack.

We bought a bass guitar! Elspeth's fingers aren't quite long enough, but Aidan and I are picking it up reasonably well - it helps that Aidan has played guitar before, and I've played piano so I have an idea of musical theory in general.

It's stinking hot in Canberra; a typical summer here. It's never very nice. It makes going out during the day a chore, which totally sucks for me because by the time it's cooled down, Elspeth is in bed asleep, so I can't go out then! (At least, not if Aidan isn't home. Which he often isn't. Work.)


I'm going a bit stir-crazy, to be honest. It's true that a considerable portion of my social life has always been online, but I'm missing the face-to-face aspect of having a job. I feel that I need to leave the house more often, see more people, do more things. But it isn't easy, with little Ellie still needing so much sleep and something like routine. I can't be spontaneous, I can't do anything alone, I can't get the pram onto the buses here, I can't take her anywhere for more than a couple of hours unless I also have the porta-cot to put her to bed. I know that sounds like a laundry-list of complaints, but that's just how it is. I would like to invite people around here more often - for dinner, drinks, or whatever - but Aidan always seems quite apathetic towards such ideas, and his lack of enthusiasm puts a damper on mine. Aidan also feels that Elspeth is still too young to leave with a friend or babysitter (or anyone other than our parents, who live too far away) so that puts paid to other ideas too. It's alright for him - he gets out of the house, he sees people and does things!

So I sit at my computer while Ellie sleeps, playing games and spending way too much time on Facebook. Gaining weight, losing fitness, wondering if my friends think I don't want to see them...