The long and winding post...

I see there's been yet another shooting in the States, in a shopping centre this time. It's a little bit scary to be living in a time when this doesn't suprise or shock me. As long as I can remember, America has been the violent country full of gun-weilding maniacs. People being murdered there seems the norm. It seems to me that they're doing something wrong; I only wish I knew what it was. If I knew, I would fly over there and kick the crap out of George W until he agreed with me and did something about it! Sadly, I'm left here shaking my head and wondering why. America is supposed to be the great world leader, the civilisation of all civilisations, the land of the free, the place with everything going for it. So why are there so many people pushed to breaking point, so many people who feel their only choice is to kill?

 

Far be it from my intention to suggest that Australia is murder-free - on the contrary, we have our share of whackos. We still hold the world record for spree killing, after Martin Bryant killed 35 and injured a further 37 at Port Arthur. We have our share of gangland executions, kidnappings, and child molestation. But our share seems disproportinately small compared to the good old US of A. Very little inspires patriotism in me, but knowing that makes me proud to be Australian. We might be small and mostly desert, but we don't kill as many of our own kind as Americans do!

 

I guess we leave that to our millions of deadly animals.

Sometimes I wonder if I might be slightly bipolar. I'm not even sure if it's possible to be "slightly" bipolar - is it something that has degrees? I am frequently hyperactive and over-happy, like this morning, but other times I am apathetic to everything and lethargic and blank-minded, like yesterday. It doesn't seem triggered by anything in particular, it just happens. Maybe that's normal and I just never knew. I've never been very normal, I'm not sure what it entails.

 

Apparently there are six identifiers of manic depression:

 

High energy levels - I get this often, although Aidan would disagree as it tends to happen at work rather than in the evenings when I'm tired.

Positive mood - almost always.

Irritability - yeah, sometimes, but doesn't everybody get irritable?

Inappropriate behaviour - well, it's tempting, but I usually manage to stop myself. Just.

Heightened creativity - I've often thought that I write better when depressed.

Mystical experiences - ummm no. I'm drawing a blank on that one. Unless you count feeling completely disconnected from the world, that gets a bit surreal.

 

Yesterday I felt like nothing mattered and I barely had energy to move. This morning I keep wanting to burst out laughing for no reason! Weird.

 

Is this normal?

There is a person in my life who does not receive the recognition he deserves. I speak, of course, of none other than my husband Aidan.

About three years ago, my good friend Chantell decided she would drag along one of her friends to my little party. That friend was Aidan. From that night, he captivated me. I knew there was something different about him, and I wanted to know more. We exchanged phone numbers that night, although I could tell he thought I'd never bother calling him. I didn't call him, I SMS'd him the following Monday and asked if he'd like to catch up that afternoon, a request to which he readily acquiesced.

Needless to say, things developed rather quickly from then... I learned that he was indeed different, in the best possible way: a thinker, and a true "diamond in the rough". He presented (and still does, at times) a very gruff exterior: air force reservist, disliking cats, and so forth. But the other, oft unseen, side of him, was what really appealed.

As that side showed itself, the things he said and did never ceased to amaze. He made outrageous claims, such as saying that I was beautiful! (The first time he said that, I was so shocked that he said I looked like I'd been shot!) He would do the sweetest things, like surprising me with a picnic on the bank of the Yarra River, or driving 200km to bring me soup when I was ill.

Over the course of the last three years, he has single-handedly given me self-esteem, confidence, love, support, and endless laughs. If not for him, I have no doubt I would still be a very miserable individual. It is particularly apparent at this stage in my life - I am changing job, reducing my working hours, taking on a bartending course as well as our Russian classes, and future income is uncertain. Yet his support of my decisions has been confident and unwavering. Without that support, I would have just stayed with the "devil I know" - my current depressing job. It may be miserable, but I know it back to front.

So this is my time to say thank you to my wonderful, beautiful, tolerant, supportive, perfect husband. You have done more than you'll ever know for me, and although I may sometimes seem to take it for granted, I am forever indebted to you. So thank you. I am unashamed to let the world know I love you!

I got it!!!!

The deal is as follows: I go in and spend 2 hours going through what the job involves on Thursday morning. If both sides, me and he, agree that I'll manage it ok, then I'll start the job properly on Monday 7th May!!!

It's been at least 3 years since I've been hanging out for a guy to call me this much...

I had the interview, I THINK it went ok...

The News: I have a job interview tomorrow morning! It's been a while since I've had one of those, but I used to be pretty good at them. It's for a part-time office admin job, sounds pretty nice. I'm excited and nervous, but I don't want to get TOO excited - I think they want somebody more or less immediately, and I can't leave my current job until 11th May. But we shall see. I remain optimistic.

The Other News: I have no other news.

Tendrils of words and links and recommendations, strings of sentences and connections, the blogosphere is a spider's web. We are all flies caught in it's addiction, tied tightly to each other by the ethereal ropes. Meanwhile, in a seemingly contradictory manner, we are each of us spiders trawling our web and gathering our flies, collecting lists of links and friends and contacts. Like secret agents, we know only a few, who in turn know a few, who again know a few more. Following the links in the chain could get you anywhere, any country, any imagination.

Does this scare or fascinate you?

There is one thing I will miss when I leave my job... and that is Toasted Sandwich Friday. Yes, every Friday morning we send one of the girls to a cafe round the corner, and we all get toasted sandwiches. For a long time I had turkey, cheese, and cranberry sauce. Today it's ham, cheese, and tomato. A lot of people here get bacon, egg, cheese, and barbeque sauce - I've had that one before, it's soooooo good but soooooo fatty!!! The Friday sandwiches are an age-old tradition in this office, and I will miss it.

Besides my colleagues (and, dare I say, friends), there is very little else here to miss. I will not miss the druggies hanging out near the needle exchange next door. I will not miss the petty politics and gossip. I will not miss the ever-demanding customers. I will not miss the window-less office, or the ominous cracks in the wall next to my desk. I will certainly not miss doing three jobs all at the same time.

It is strange to think that in just three weeks time I will be free. I have no job lined up yet, and I will have finished my bartending course a couple of days beforehand. Previously, I have only left jobs to do something else - travel, or another job. This time, I'm leaving just because I've had a gut-full of this place. I feel oddly liberated. I like it.

I blog, therefore I am.

There are hundreds of people out there in cyberspace... well, maybe closer to 20... who have no way of knowing I'm alive other than reading my blog. You know nothing about me other than what I choose to write here. Be assured that all I write is the truth (but how do you know that's not a lie), but is it comprehensive? My blog content depends on the thoughts I have at the very moment I'm at a computer... but what about all the things I do and think when I'm elsewhere? Each and every blogger leads only a partial existance to his or her readers... When we don't blog, we float in limbo, and who knows what we do? Some of us gain a bit of an insight into each other's lives... the mateship between HE and WW, for instance... but Jewel, where have you been for the last few days? And Lee, you didn't blog for about a week! You just popped out of the space-time continuum for a while... spooky.

Does this strike anybody else as intriguing?

For no particular reason, today seemed like a good day to post a lot of pictures I've taken with my phone. It's amazing how frequently I see photo-worthy things when I don't have a camera. Noddles, for instance...

Not to mention this wonderful piece of street art nearby where I work... I often spend an afternoon break standing across the road from it wondering who made it, and why... It inspires in me an indescribable sense of sadness, and I wonder if the artist was sad when he/she created it.


This is my dog. Well, she's my family's dog really. She lives with my parents, because they have space for her... not that she utilises much space. As you can see by all the grey, she's getting on a bit in years and isn't as active as once she was. But she's still my gorgeous puppy! Sook that she is. I didn't get a photo my my cat, unfortunately. She's old and sulky too!



This picture, sadly, displays the extent of the drought in country Victoria. That creek once lapped at the trunk of those trees, now you can walk across the creek bed in places without getting a toe damp.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

Larry Birkhead is now a man famous for being the father of a child who's mother was famous for marrying somebody who was famous for being rich and marrying a gold-digger. Congratulations Larry, you're a celebrity because J Howard Marshall was a rich old fool.

Well, I resigned. I've given them five weeks notice - enough time for them to hire a couple more people, and for one of the guys to get back from leave - thus not abruptly leaving them under-staffed. So, it's time to start looking for a new job, or at least considering where I want to go. Anybody out there want to hire me? I'm good, I promise!

As I see it, I have 2 main options.

1) I can find work in the office administration/secretarial/personal assistant area, and keep working full time for a good wage;
2) I can undergo a complete (but necessarily brief) lifestyle change: work part time, do courses in bartending/coffee making/body piercing/whatever else takes my fancy, before re-embarking on a career course or at least well-paying work. (That's the problem with getting old and having responsibilities - you need the dosh!)

Option 2 is appealing very strongly to me at this point... I've worked full-time for what seems like an awfully long time, and I could do with a change. But realistically, can we afford for me to work part-time, or not work?
Option 1 is probably where I'd want to be in the long term - ie, for buying a house and having children and all that stuff which is still a long way off.

So, as you can see, there's a lot to think about. I'm sure, one way or another, things will work out. I'm not too stressed or worried at this point. I'm just glad that I've finally bitten the bullet (ouch, more dentist work now required) and quit. It's the best thing for me, no matter what happens afterwards!

I know it's been a few days since I blogged. But what would I say? Just more of the same. I am considering handing in my resignation - again. Actually I rarely stop considering it. There is no one thing causing this, but a myriad of things. Each thing would be bearable were it not for the other things. It's the long hours, it's the travel time each day, it's the low pay, it's the way I'm not permitted to do the job I was promoted into. I wonder sometimes what is keeping me here - force of habit, simplicity, my friends here... but I can't sacrifice happiness just because it's easy. Then I have to ask myself - would I be any happier in another job? If so, what kind of job? Maybe I'd be happier working part-time, but can I afford to?

I will consider.

Do we have any musicians out there?

I want somebody to write me a song. I've got the basic theme, even some lyrics, somebody write me a punk or rock song:

Courier companies don't answer their phones
Courier companies don't do as they're told
Courier companies are really the pitts
Courier companies give me the shits!

I call them up to change an address
They nod and smile and make no redress
I call them up to find something lost
But really, man, they just don't give a toss!

Feel free to chop and change anything as necessary.

Hundreds of sweaty bodies jumping up and down to a fast drum beat, a guitar, a trumpet, and a trombone... it can only be a Reel Big Fish concert. It went off. I mostly stayed away from the centre of the mosh, since I value my life. But even in the fringes it was much fun. Now I'm at work after getting about 3 hours of broken sleep, and I wish I was back home in bed. But it was worth it.

***This post is not intended to cause any offence to anybody, take it as "food for thought" only***

I long for the day that the oppressed masses rise up agains the upper class twits. The only problem is, the oppressed masses don't know that's what they are. They're so oppressed that they believe they're free and happy. That's quite an acheivement. Brainwashing an entire population and making them like it. If the masses were released from oppression, they would be lost.

Imagine a world without television. No advertising, no bad movies, no worse "reality" shows. What would anybody do, without that little box telling them what to like?

Imagine a world without "democracy". No lies, no bad haircuts, no pandering to the voters. What would people do without somebody to tell them what they need?

Imagine a world without religion. Religion is one of the biggest causes of loss of life throughout human history. In the name of religion women are deprived of freedoms concerning their own body. In the name of religion minorities are persecuted and killed. Who would people kill without a religion to guide them?

I feel like John Lennon. Imagine. It's a beautiful song, with beautiful sentiments. It is a song embraced the world over as an anthem of peace and love. But when it comes to the crunch, it's just a song. It has no power to change things.

Imagine what we could do for this world, the people in it, and the environment... if only we all made a little effort.

It's daunting, I know. Where do we start? Each of us feel alone, and that our singular effort will be futile. Rise up, masses, and realise that the collective will of the people can be strong! Just look at the French - I'm fairly sure they've lost count of how many revolutions they've had.

So who's with me? Who wants to obliterate poverty, encourage free-thinking, and save the forests?

Now I just have to figure out how...

I'm back at work, my throat is still a little hoarse... but a customer just told me that I sound "alluring" on the phone like this. That's a nice way to start the day! Some of our customers are such flirts.

One of my least favourite things about having a cold is losing the little ability I have to sing. It may be said, and truthfully, that I'm not a fantastic singer to start with. But I love to sing, I think I'm not abysmal at it, and losing that is not nice. I'm trying, but I'm just croaking!

I've been saying for years that I need to start having singing lessons again, or get involved with a choir... but so many things get in the way! Time, money, energy. Maybe I'm just making excuses for myself. Perhaps I should just bite the bullet and do it. What think thee?