Yesterday sucked. Work sucked. I was tired and irritable, I had too much coke, and customers pissed me off.

Then I came back to Aidan's place and things rapidly got better. Except that he keeps calling me Wiggles!!! Thinks it's cute or something. Bah! Ah well, you get that. Oops, he's reading this over my shoulder. Anyway, he's meant to be off studying and I'm meant to be reading The Da Vinci Code. Not coke. Mmmm coke.

I posted Claudine's Christmas present yesterday. That's my Rwandan sponsor child, for those of you who don't know. Theoretically it should only take two weeks to get there by airmail, but it's Rwanda so you never know. I figured it was best to be early. I sent her a little stuffed puppy dog and some coloured pencils - she's nine, I think I recall liking that kind of thing when I was nine.

Got a new photo of Aidan and I uploaded the other day. It's kind of blurred, but what do you expect? Aidan took it with the arm that wasn't around me.

Interesting lunch break today. Instead of eating lunch, I decided to have a wander around the city with my camera, just looking at stuff. People and things. I have uploaded some, frankly, not very interesting pictures of Melbourne, the city I call home. I was watching people, too. They mostly seemed to think I was a tourist, with the whole photography thing happening. Another thing that struck me was the way everybody was going somewhere. Busy busy busy, walk walk walk, glare glare glare. So few people take the time to stop and smell the metaphorial roses. What's the big rush? Maybe they're on their way to an important meeting, or heading back to work after lunch, or meeting a lover. On the surface, these things seem important to us. But in reality, no matter how many meetings you attend or how much money you make or even how deeply in love you are, you're going to die anyway. I guess all we can do is strive to enjoy our short lives as best we can, and rushing around staring at the ground doesn't achieve that. Sometimes I curse the practical mind my mother cultivated in me - I am obliged to deny my urges to quit my job, become a hippy, and travel the world on a moment's notice. Even that dream involves me working casually in pubs and cafe's - none of my dreams are so impractical as to involve a lack of work and money.

*sigh*

I had strange and disturbing dreams, my sleep was restless. I tossed and turned and kicked and cried out. I dreamed of being chased through the dark, of undelivered parcels haunting the earth, of angry customers with slingshots. Now I write it down it seems kind of trivial, but it didn't seem that way in the dreams.

Several days worth of posting to catch up on!!! Oh the frantic-ness of it all. Ok, I'm kidding. But this will be a long one...

Friday
Work was painful and dull and painfully dull. Nobody was helpful, including colleagues.

After work, however... Aidan's Surprise came into fruition. (I love that word, although I've probably used it wrongly.) I opened my door to find a beautiful long-stemmed rose and a map. I followed it to find My Sweet waiting for me outside on the street. He dragged me to the train station and hauled me onto a Flinders Street train... and about half an hour later he was unpacking his bag which unexpectedly contained a picnic! The banks of the Yarra River on a lovely Spring evening with My Sweet and ham rolls. Perfect!

Weekend
The rest of the weekend passed in a hazy patchwork of intense emotion and wonderful relaxed happiness. I spent Sunday at Aidan's place while he studied (although I think he spent a fair amount of time studying me) and stuff. For reasons unknown to most, I was thinking about entropy for quite a lot of the time.

I went into a bookshop on Saturday and, as usual, spent too much money. I bought the Discworld Almanak, and the Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy on DVD. I saw the One Planet book South Yarra Steve mentioned in his blog, it was cute although I didn't have much time to flip through properly.

Today
Work was tolerable. I heard from Liny, an SMS saying we should catch up. I suggested tomorrow but she didn't reply. Aidan is at home studying tonight, which means two things. First, I am lonely and sad. Secondly, however, I will get a good night's sleep! It only goes to show that there are pros and cons to every thing. Or, as I like to put it: Every silver lining has a cloud!

The favourite jokes of mum and I when I was a kid:

Q: Why is a duck with a tin lip?
A: Because the higher they fly, the fewer.

Q: What is the difference between a duck?
A: One of its legs is both the same.

Other favourites:

Q: Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A: Someone threw a fridge at him.

Q: What's red, goes around in circles, and taps on the glass?
A: Baby in a microwave.

Q: What's worse than ten babies in a garbage bin?
A: One baby in ten garbage bins.

Howard sent me this picture today, which I found almost as amusing as South Yarra Steve's (below).

Howard said he'd email me or call me. He didn't. I'm complaining!

Paul Simon, Gumboots

I was having this discussion
In a taxi heading downtown
Rearranging my position
On this friend of mine who had
A little bit of a breakdown
I said breakdowns come
And breakdowns go
So what are you going to do about it
That's what I'd like to know
You don't feel you could love me
But I feel you could

It was in the early morning hours
When I fell into a phone call
Believing I had supernatural powers
I slammed into a brick wall
I said hey, is this my problem?
Is this my fault?
If that's the way it's going to be
I'm going to call the whole thing to a halt

You don't feel you could love me
But I feel you could
You don't feel you could love me
But I feel you could

I was walking down the street
When I thought I heard this voice say
Say, ain't we walking down the same street together
On the very same day
I said hey Senorita that's astute
I said why don't we get together
And call ourselves an institute

You don't feel you could love me
But I feel you could
You don't feel you could love me
But I feel you could

Funny what a day at work can do to me. I got a great night of sleep, I woke up feeling refreshed and happy. It was a beautiful morning, sunny with a light breeze. Trees are green and flowers are blooming. I was happy and worry-free, no stress and no weight on my shoulders.

Then I got to work, and had to put up with the following people/groups being annoying:

Customers
Delivery Centres
Post Offices
James
Inbound Customer Service Reps

By the end of the day it's all I can do to bring a smile to my face.

But I get home, play a little Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, and remember that Aidan is coming over this evening. Suddenly life seems rather better!

I'm hanging out to see what happens on Saturday. Aidan is planning some surprise for me, and I haven't got a clue what it is. I'm trying not to think about it too much or to ask too many questions, because I do want to be surprised when it happens. I don't want to know before the event!

The battery charger for my digital camera batteries is making a rattly noise when I shake it. I have a very strong feeling it should not be doing that. Still seems to charge batteries though, so I'm not too concerned.

I get a kick out of you!

I was reading South Yarra Steve's blog today, and he's got some pretty cool pictures on there. I particularly liked this one of Little Johnny. (This link is here with permission from South Yarra Steve.)

At times I feel like little more than a hamster on a wheel. Same old thing, over and over. At work, I mean. I process compensation claims and I take care of general complaints. They're all roughly the same. It is not a very rewarding job. Although it's infinitely better than taking inbound calls.

I'm so tired tonight. Perhaps lethargic is a better word. I don't want to do anything. It's technically too early to sleep.

Reasons Aidan should think more highly of himself

He's very intelligent, and even knows how to use a coma now.
He's funny and has a great sense of humour - he tells the same kind of jokes as my dad.
He has a goofy smile that makes my insides melt every time I see it.
He's not above treating people at check-outs et cetera like human beings.
He isn't racist or sexist.
He has saved people's lives, and he's done volunteer work (how many people will do anything without getting paid for it?).
He has a generous heart and he'll do just about anything for someone he cares about - or even help out a stranger in the street.
He gives to charities even though he's a poor student.
He's managing to see the world through rose-coloured glasses, even though it's been cruel to him in the past. (I know exactly how difficult that is.)
He still thinks I'm beautiful when I'm at my worse - including when I'm waking up in the morning, sick, crying, eating, and covered in eczema. (Not all at once.)
He is the man I love.

I was just watching the X-Files, and a kid was killed. It got me thinking about motherhood, and having a child to look after. I've always felt that I'd make a pretty poor mother, I'm not mature or responsible enough, I'm not clean and tidy, I can't cook. Now I know another reason: fear. I would be too terrified to let my child out of my sight in case something happened. And if something did happen, I would feel such unbearable guilt... Sometimes I get broody and long for a child, but god help me if I ever have one...

Phew. Got back from Adelaide late last night. Where to start? Met Andrew at Spencer Street Station on Friday night, the train was an hour late so we left there just past eleven. Sleeping on a train is not fun, nor is it easy. But we managed it! So we got into Adelaide at about nine or ten. Went straight to the backpacker's place and dropped off most of our stuff. We then wandered around Adelaide for several hours. I never seen so many bleeding churches! Took lots of photos (including of our feet, Aidan would be proud!) and got sore feet and retraced our steps a thousand times. There's only so much to see in that city. Churches, parks, some odd statues and so forth. Then, of course, the aim of the entire trip: Night Watch, adapted to theatre! It was rather good, although I think both Andrew and I were too tired to appreciate it fully! Spent Saturday night at the backpacker's, thankfully nobody snored (except possibly me) or anything annoying like that. Still, didn't get much sleep and woke up quite early. Before we had to leave to get the train, Andrew taught me a card game called 500, so we played that for quite a bit of the train ride home. And hangman. And read books, and listened to CD's. Got back into Spencer Street at just past nine last night, Aidan picked me up and we got home just before ten. I woke up this morning feeling absolutely dead. So I called in sick and woke up again at half past eleven. And now here I am!

And here's the pics, well some of them..

Well I'm about to head off to Adelaide for the weekend with Andrew. Wish me a lack of boredom!

Today was better than I thought it would be, although not great. I got a hell of a lot done, but time seemed to go by so slowly. I ended up with 30 resolutions and only 50 files left in my name by about 2.30pm, so I did some of Laurel's in the afternoon because she's struggling.

Dom sent me a funny email today, the new Australian National Anthem. Aidan's posted it on his blog, though, so I won't reproduce it here.

I despise being ill. Bored and depressed. Tired, irritable. Rude. I wish I could take a couple of weeks off work and just chill out and relax. How do people do this their entire lives? Work, sleep, work, sleep, get ill, work anyway. Saving money for some vague and distant ideal: a future when they'll have the time to spend it. Sometimes I think I'd like to become a bartender or something and do the whole Europe thing. Although I suppose they have call centres in England. Not that I'd want to work in another bloody call centre. Perhaps I should do like Daz, and get a transfer to AP HQ. I'd almost forgotten Daz. He came to my 21st and sat there looking awkward for a while before leaving. I haven't seen him since, although I see his ex-wife every day. Maybe I'll become a labourer of some sort. A painter or a gardener. Outdoor work, and the possibility of being my own boss. I think Lee is a painter now, or at least must be nearly finished his apprenticeship. Being a window cleaner would be awesome. I see the guys doing the windows of our building, twenty-seven floors up hanging from a couple of ropes. Brilliant. Probably pays quite well, too. I heard Simon got a job with one of those chilled water companies, who fill other companies' water-coolers. Someone said that paid about as well as the call centre and was far more fun. Bekh sells haberdashery these days. That sounds cool, even if nobody knows what that is. Little Matty ran an E-Bay shop and went to Spain on the funds, maybe I should do that. At least I think it was Spain. Somewhere interesting, anyway. He never emailed me, either, although Joe did once. Joe got to England safe and sound, god knows what he did after that. The Duck Man went back up to Brisbane with his fiance who's name I've forgotten but she was nice. I never did find out what they intended to do there. I still see Ira at Parliament station sometimes, and I saw Pina there once too but she didn't see me. People are always moving on, and it's so easy to forget. I once wrote out a list of names of people from TeleTech that I wanted to keep in contact with - there's only two left of that list of about fifteen. People disappear. I wonder how many people, if any, think of me and wonder what I'm doing these days. I have a habit of believing that nobody remembers me or thinks of me when I'm not around. Even Aidan.

My nose is blocked, my throat is sore, my entire body aches. There is a green spot in front of my eyes which shouldn't be there, and I almost passed out in the shower. I don't want to go to work today. But I'm bloody well going to anyway. I've got too much to do. I have three nasty out-of-charters (files that are too old and need to be resolved very quickly) and I've got some people to call and get yelled at by. Also Allan's not going to be in today and he's left me in charge. So yeah, I guess I'd better go.

I thought I'd grown up and changed a lot in the last year or so. Today has revealed to me that I haven't changed a bit. I'm still selfish and childish. I was alone today, and didn't really feel like doing much. So I sat around bored. I read a bit, watched some X-Files, but mostly did nothing. I was bored and annoyed, and all I could think was that my boredom was Aidan's fault for not being here. I know he has to study and I know that sometimes study has to take higher priority than spending time with me. I know we've been spending a lot of time together lately, and I know we will continue to. I have nothing to complain about. Aidan loves me and spends as much time as he can with me. He has other committments. I need a life. I can't help but hate myself sometimes, for being so petty.

Quoteable Quote of the Day
I am Officially Calling it - WE HAVE WON!!! GOOD WORK AUSTRALIAN PEOPLE! says:
i've never been more proud of the australian people than I am tonight
Well I didn't vote for you! says:
that's because you're a twat

I'm sure I'm falling more in love every day. I didn't think it was possible, but I am. Letting Aidan leave this afternoon was not fun. Not easy. I just wanted to stay with him, holding him and kissing him and loving him. It was an intense day for the two of us, although intensity is kind of becoming the norm! It's great :) I want to make a life with him, and grow old and grey with him. I look forward to life.

Today was also election day, and the Liberals bloody won again. They're in their fucking fourth term now. Why do I feel like I'm living in a dictatorship instead of a democracy? If John Howard doesn't retire, he will end up being in power for over a decade. That's just about half my lifetime. At least I can take a leaf from Dennis's book: "Well, I didn't vote for you!"

Ok, I admit I am somewhat inclined to be a bit pessimistic and stuff when I'm not well. The truth is I had a fantastic weekend with the man I love more than life itself. It's just hard to think of that that when all I've done today is cough and feel shitty.

Cossack reminded me earlier that today is 1 year exactly since Dave and I broke up. That would be another reason to be happy, if I could be bothered. He only remembered because Dave messaged me this evening, saying he might come around. I was somewhat discouraging, and thankfully it discouraged him effectively. So I still haven't seen him even though he's been back in Melbourne for... actually I don't know how long.

The rose Aidan gave me is blooming. It was a bud when he gave it to me. It's sweet.

I'm so tired.

Today was a shitty day. I have been ill, irritable, depressed, tired, snappy, dizzy, and wooly in the head. I had to work. I won't see Aidan for days. Not a happy child. Even Good Morning Vietnam isn't making me laugh much.

Awesome weekend though. Mmmm handcuffs... *drool*