I am a mass of contradictions. Up to and including my own self-perception. On the one hand, I feel downtrodden and laughed at and inferior. On the other, I feel smarter, more capable, superior. But I hate that, I hate to think I'm the kind of person who looks down on people. Then again, I hate feeling downtrodden. But I'd hate to place myself on equal footing with most of the human race. I can't figure out who I am or how I should feel or how I compare to others.