It struck me yesterday that insecurity is really a subtle form of arrogance.
When a person is insecure, firstly they seek constant re-assurance - "It's
all about me... isn't it? Tell me good things about myself", etc. Secondly,
insecurity leads people to believe that if something is wrong with somebody
else, it must be their fault - "I did this to you, didn't I? Because I'm so
awful..." and so forth.
Monday, May 30, 2005
What a weekend. Long and slow and cold, Aidan ill, myself irritable and
snappy... and now, Monday morning, I think I'm coming down with what Aidan
had. It's kind of hard to tell now, since I've dosed myself up with Sudafed
and Panadol, but once that wears off I have a feeling I'll come down hard.
I stress too much about meaningless crap. When I think about things and
realise I've got another 70 years at best, and the Earth will be consumed by
the sun in a few billions years anyway... what does it matter? It won't make
Monday, May 23, 2005
Yesterday was also very emotional. Not with mum, but with Aidan later. The poor lad has been carrying around skeletons in closets, and thought that I'd mind when I found out. I won't go into details - he knows how I feel.
Friday, May 20, 2005
I sit and I sneeze. I type and read and make phone calls. I dream and talk
and stare at the pictures of Aidan on my wall. I fantasise about getting
out, getting away, doing anything other than work here. I create bookshops
in my mind. I look forward to getting home and not working for two whole
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Fog this morning, lots and lots of foggy fog.
I feel ill. I've had hiccups for about half an hour, it's really giving me
the irrits and making my stomach churn.
Last night was meant to be the start of my CAE course in becoming a
bookseller. But the tutor never showed up, so we were sent home. Better luck
next week, hopefully!
Living with Aidan is going really well. He's an absolute darling when it
comes to cooking, washing up, cleaning, vacuuming, footrubs... actually,
everything. I am quite possibly the most fortunate woman on Earth. Except
for the minor inconvenience of my job!
Saturday, May 14, 2005
I've applied for a Team Leader position at work myself, although I doubt I'll get it since I found out who else has applied. But that's ok, at least I tried.
Anyway, I came home and did stuff. Played the MUD a little, washed dishes, read Lord of the Rings. Aidan came home all stiff and sore and tired, so I made him dinner and washed up again and rubbed stuff into his back. I like looking after him when I get the chance. More often than not it's him looking after me, which is indescribably sweet. But I like to be able to do stuff for him. He's getting better at letting me, and even asking me!
Friday, May 13, 2005
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Monday, May 09, 2005
I'm so over Australia Post. Even if it weren't for the constant abuse from
customers and Post Politics, I'd still be over it. I feel so stagnant -
every day is just another day, and every week is just like the week before
it. Where's the challenge? Where's the motivation? I'm going to apply for a
Team Leader position, that might be better. Otherwise I'll try for Carolyn's
job - yes, my beloved manager Carolyn is leaving Post. I guess that means
I'll no longer be her minion, which is good news for Aidan because then I
can be his minion instead.
I want to go home.