The giggle videos

Right. It has been far too long since I blogged, so here I am to tell you about Elspeth's amazing week and our holiday on the coast.

She is now four months old.

In the last week she has rolled over, eaten solid foods, begun to regularly sleep through the night (11pm to 7am), and been dunked in the ocean. How awesome is my baby?

So anyway, mum and dad picked Ellie and I up on Saturday to head down to Merimbula - Aidan had to work, so he came and joined us on Monday. The weather was great - almost cold at times, a lovely contrast to Canberra's unholy heat. We swam in the sea, we walked on the beach, we read books, mum and dad were utterly enthralled by little Elspeth - she's turning into such a giggle-pot! It's gorgeous. She is just growing up in leaps and bounds; it won't be long before we need a priso- er, playpen!

And now we're home again, and that's all I have to say about that.

Things that make me hate the world:

A man threw his daughter off a bridge, and will probably be acquitted or get off lightly on mental health grounds.

Kids are bullied to the point of suicide.

A woman is murdered, and people who aren't even suspects won't come forward to assist police.

Doctors rape their patients in shocking abuses of trust.

Alcohol related violence is on the rise.

And this is just today's Fairfax news; I haven't looked at world news or any other news sources today. I want to become a vigilante and just shoot the deserving in the head. Do you think I'd look good in PVC?

There is just one month left until NaNoWriMo! One month in which to decide subject matter, think about it, and plan it, before I have to sit down for a month and write 50,000 words. Again. This time I'm thinking of writing about preganancies, births, babies. Just because I won't have to do much in the way of research! I've just been through all that, and it's all fresh in my mind. But I don't know yet. Of course, I could just as easily write about an alien invasion - from the point of view of the aliens. Or humans invading another planet, so we're the aliens. Or the day the fruit juice factory exploded and covered the town in orange juice, causing dreadful problems for people with citrus allergies. Who knows?!

Our oven hasn't been working for a few weeks now. Not a big deal, as we don't often use the oven - the stove-top is more our thing, and that still works. So anyway, the electricians are here now fixing it. Yes, plural. One guy arrived, and I thought that was fine. Then another guy arrived. Finally, a third guy came. Three dudes to fix one oven! Except they can't fix it. They took the element out and apparently it just fell apart. They're going to recommend to the real estate agent that a new oven is in order - frankly, I could have told them that two years ago, but now it's official!

I had a dream last night. A very bizarre dream, which, unusually for me, I remember in great detail and with clarity.

It went like this.

I left my house alone, leaving Elspeth by herself. This, by the way, I would never actually do. The city I walked out into looked a little like Madrid, and a little like Melbourne, but wasn't either of them. I went to this really odd little shop which sold lots of old-fashioned children's/baby's accessories and furniture, staffed by two older ladies who looked like they'd stepped straight out of Victorian England. They had two very scrawny ugly babies in the shop, and I stayed there for about an hour looking after those babies. God knows why. Finally I realised I should get home to Elspeth, so I left the shop. After I'd left, I realised I was wearing nothing but a dressing gown, and didn't have my wallet, keys, or phone. I was locked out of the house, and I couldn't call Aidan to come home and let me in. So I was running around the streets of this increasingly-Madridesque city desperately seeking a solution, when suddenly I bumped into an old teacher of mine from high school. He didn't seem at all bothered or surprised to see me, even though I was very nearly naked, and he came with me to my house. Together we found a window that I got through somehow, and that was it. Either I woke up, or I just don't remember any more.

Our little girl is 10 weeks old now! Actually she was 10 weeks old on Wednesday. Time is flying by so quickly!

We had a visit from Aidan's parents last week, which was wonderful. We went to Floriade (again; we went with my mum the week before!), and just generally hung around having a nice time.

Elspeth is a great sleeper; in fact I'm about to have to wake her up for a feed. I find it's good to do that because it means she doesn't have to cry and get stressed about being hungry; I anticipate it if she hasn't eaten in four hours.

So, a quick one, just to say that all is going well and to share the above photo. It's one of the very few shots I have of the whole family! (Normally I'm the one holding the camera, so there aren't many photos with me actually in them!)

It has been a long time between blogs. For that, I apologise to my readers if I have any left. Things have been busy, as I'm sure you can imagine!

Some things have been going on, as follows:

Firstly, Elspeth is eight weeks old today! I can't believe it's been that long already. She's doing really well, growing and eating like a pig. She's on soy formula now as we believe she may be lactose intolerant. She's so gorgeous! She can hold her head up most of the time now, and she's really getting the hang of hand-eye coordination - I hear jingly bells every time she whacks one of her dangly things. (I don't care if it was by accident, it's still wonderful!) She also seems to be smiling at me quite often! A lot of books say it's just gas or something, but it really does seem to be in response to seeing me smile at her!

From Elspeth - One Photo Per Day

From Elspeth - One Photo Per Day

Secondly, I've been studying away like... well, honestly, like somebody who really doesn't want to. I loved my Ancient Myth subject, I've finished everything for that and I think I'll do quite well. But my Religion subject is fairly dull really; I'm procrastinating doing this damn essay which is due in two days... bah!

Thirdly, my mother is coming to visit this weekend!! Yay! Always nice to see her, and she just loves seeing her little granddaughter! Last time my parents came up, mum kept just going over to stare at Elspeth with an adoring smile on her face.

Anyway, for somebody who hasn't blogged in weeks, I've said remarkably little now. I suppose I just don't want to bore by going on and on about Elspeth - although I could!! Anyway, very probably almost everybody who reads this has seen everything on Facebook.

Elspeth with gas :)

We have just had a lovely family weekend, with my parents and my brother visiting Canberra to see Elspeth and I (and Aidan but he was working for most of it). It is the first time my brother has met his neice; I think they'll get along better when she's a little older. My apologies for the very poor image quality - I keep forgetting to bring my camera with me, so these were taken on my phone.

The weekend has been a complete write-off in terms of study, so I have to get back into it fairly solidly tomorrow, but it's been worth it - great to see my parents again. Especially my mum - she is LOVING being a nana, taking every opportunity to hold, touch, or even just stare at Elspeth!

Half an hour ago when I said goodbye and left their hotel room to come home, I was really tired. The walk back here in the cold, then changing and feeding the bub, have woken me up so now I can't sleep... which sucks - I was hoping to take advantage of her being asleep before Aidan gets home from work, which should nicely coincide with the next time she'll need feeding... oh well, it won't work out now. The best laid plans, etc!

Now it is time to gloat about how good I am.

Not only do I have a happy, healthy, three-week-old daughter, and not only was the real estate agent pleased with the property inspection this morning, but I am also keeping up with my (officially) "full-time" study load and getting quite good marks!

I've been really surprised and quite impressed with myself; in the past, when attempting online study, I've quickly lost motivation and ultimately failed. However, with just three weeks of this study period to go, I've kept plugging away at my two subjects and remained interested.

Here is where I currently stand:

For the Myth unit, I have to submit four tutorials (all of which I have done) and one major essay (which I am halfway through). I'll be graded on the essay and the best two of my tutorials - I've got one 7 and one 8 out of 10, which I'm fairly happy with.

For the Religion unit, I have to submit a 500 word tutorials on each of the six religions covered, and one major essay. I've done three and two-halves of the six tutorials, but have not yet started my major essay. This unit is quite flexible and permits extensions, and my course co-ordinator knows I've just had a baby, so I will be taking full advantage of that, but I'm still pleased that I've done as much as I have so far. (Incidentally, for the three completed tutorials so far, I got a Distinction.)

Having one child has given me a new respect for mothers of multiple children, particularly twins. However my own mother (who had two of us) has expressed admiration for my efforts at mothering and studying together. Go me!

My next challenge is to figure out what, if anything, I should do in the next study period (which starts at the end of this month). I know that, as Elspeth gets older, she will take up more time and won't sleep as much, so I will probably only do one unit instead of the two I did this time. But which one? I would love to do an English subject, but there's a lot of reading involved and I'm not sure that I'll have the time or the concentration to do it justice. Another history unit would be interesting; I was thinking perhaps one on the fall of the Roman Empire. Creative Writing could also be fun, but again I'm not sure I'll have the required concentration - unless I could write about babies!!

So anyway, I've got some thinking and some work to do. I'm really very glad I did decide to undertake some study - not only does it improve my future prospects, but it also keeps my mind active and gives me something other than Elspeth to think and talk (and blog) about!

Elspeth is now officially a formula baby. After breastfeeding of late she's been irritable, extremely gassy, still hungry, and difficult to settle (most likely because of the above). However after two bottles of formula today, each time she has had very little gas and settled down well again afterwards. She just seems to react better to the bottle than the breast. I can't say I'm all that disappointed; honestly I was quite depressed and stressed about breastfeeding anyway, but willing to keep trying so long as it was best for her. But that appears to no longer be the case. Perhaps I'm just not producing enough. At least with a bottle I know just how much she's getting, which is something that had bothered me the other way - why don't breasts have measurements marked on them? Very poor design. I will do my utmost not to feel guilty about this decision; at least she had over two weeks of the good stuff, that's more than many babies get.

Elspeth is two weeks old today! Where has the time gone? Seems to fly by so quickly - next thing you know it'll be a month, and then three and six months, and a year! I'm feeling a lot better about things, and I've figured out a trick or two to help Elspeth... like putting one of my t-shirts under her so she can smell me, that seems to help her settle down a bit! I'm also feeling a bit better about my occasional use of formula to feed her; it helps that Aidan has read a little bit about it and realised the pressure on women to breastfeed is just insane, he's eased up a bit and understands that sometimes I just need a break! He was very much in favour of keeping everything natural - no formula, no pacifier... but honestly, once you live with a baby (and I'm with this baby nearly 24/7, unlike Aidan who still gets to go to work and sleep uninterrupted occasionally), you figure out that sometimes these artificial aids are a godsend.

Oh, the last little stump of her umbilical cord came off last night! I realise that may sound quite gross, but it is nice not to have to worry about it anymore.

In other news... I really don't have any other news. I'm very baby-centric right now, I'm sorry. I was so sure when I was pregnant that, after the birth, I would still be me - Stace, Aidan's wife, your friend, and not just Elspeth's mum. But here I am, pretty much being nothing but a mum. Still trying to get some study done, but concentration is lacking... yawn...

The last 24 hours have been difficult. Before I go any further I want to make it absolutely clear that I love my daughter very much, all the time. But, oh my god... why can't they be born with more communication skills?? She's been so unsettled, crying for no apparent reason, not sleeping or even lying quiety unless she's being hugged by Aidan or myself. We've both gotten a bit... tetchy... I just feel so helpless and useless. Aidan's been utterly wonderful in trying to give as much help as he can; I'm trying to write essays and stuff at the same time as being mum... but Aidan can't breastfeed! A couple of times I've had to ask him to give her a bottle of formula, which he doesn't like doing, but it's a godsend to me just to have that little bit of extra time, and rest, and both hands free.

I've been doing a few quizzes and suchlike, mostly on beyondblue.org, and I'm beginning to worry that I may be suffering genuine post-natal depression - and that concept only depresses me even further. I'm going to mention it to my GP when I see her next Monday (if I make it that far without going crazy!!), but hopefully it's just the "baby blues"... Everyone says the baby blues go away about a week after the birth; it's been nearly two weeks now... I dunno, I guess I'll just hang in there and see what happens. If nothing else, maybe some temporary antidepressants can just take the edge off it and help me get back on track. I hate the thought of taking them, though. Oh well, whatever will be, will be...

Elspeth is ten days old today. Here are the things I've learnt in the last ten days:

Babies are messy, but somehow their mothers don't actually mind the spit-ups and poop.

Being a mother is also messy - you don't truly appreciate maternity pads and nursing pads until you have a child.

Babies don't always have a reason for crying, and you can't always fix them.

Absolutely everybody will make you feel guilty if you contemplate using formula instead of breastmilk, even just sometimes for convenience.

Everybody will also make you feel terrible if your baby isn't always sleeping flat on her back.

Babies can't tell the difference between feeling hungry and having gas pains - so I have no idea if I'm feeding her when I should be burping her, or vice versa.

Post-natal depression and hormonal changes really are a bitch, even in very mild cases.

It's extremely difficult to concentrate on studying once a baby has entered the equation.

There are probably more things, but I don't remember. My once-sharp brain is turning to mush. Aidan tells me I'm coping well and am a good mother, but I don't feel like it. I guess I need more practice.

It often seems the "done thing" amongst women to complain about their menfolk. It's normal to roll the eyes when a man is mentioned, or to say "Men!" with an attitude of amused scorn. But, if I'm being honest, I have nothing to complain about.




This post is a tribute to my wonderful husband Aidan. He works full-time, he does loads of housework, he helps as much as he can with the baby, he pampers me with backrubs and cups of tea. He is ever-supportive, loving, and is simply always there for me and, now, for Elspeth. He wants nothing but the best for all of us. He might be the big tough man when he has to be, but he's got a tender streak that comes through for his womenfolk.

So to my husband I say: I love you, and thank you.

Elspeth Abigail Irving
Born 7.37am 15th July 2009
The Canberra Hospital

My apologies for not blogging earlier! I'm sure you'll understand I've been a tad busy. Thanks to Andrew for leaving the comment on my last post :)

The story of the birth:
I began having contractions on Saturday morning (the 11th), seeming fairly regular, and I thought that was it... but they faded, and stopped. Then started again on Sunday morning. Then slowed... then sped up... the long and short of it is, I had a rather uncomfortable few days! I called Delivery Suite at the hospital a couple of times and they told me to stay home, stay home as long as I felt comfortable, so I did... until mid-Tuesday, when the contractions seemed closer together, longer lasting, and more consistent. I was examined and determined to be 3cm dilated - in other words, in active labour. I could have told 'em that!

I won't go into huge detail, largely because I'm a bit hazy about it all myself! But little Elspeth wouldn't stay facing the right way. She was what they call "face to pubes", which is exactly what it sounds like - she was facing up instead of down. They tried to turn her, but she just kept turning back. I have a stubborn child. So, instead of the nice calm quiet birth I'd planned, I was carted to theatre, given an epidural, and had the poor child yanked out with forceps! (But only after attempts to vacuum her out failed.)

We came home from hospital on Friday afternoon, and all things considered I think we're doing rather well. Elspeth is an awesome feeder, she's almost back up to her birth weight already, and she also sleeps pretty well most of the time - sometimes for up to four hours at a time! She was rather jaundiced, but that's passing now - a midwife called around this morning to do a final check on her, and gave the all-clear that no more tests should be necessary and we're officially "discharged" from the hospital midwifery service. She was also pretty bruised and scratched from the suction thing and the forceps, but that's also healing up nicely and all you can really see now is a small circular mark on her head and one black eye.

We have created a beautiful daughter; Aidan and I are both very happy and very much in love with her!

Well, false alarm this afternoon - I thought my waters had broken, but according to the doctor that hasn't happened. Possibly just an uncontrollable gush of urine, which sounds quite gross but is apparently normal. But later, after we got home from hospital, I'm 99% sure the "mucus plug" I keep hearing about came out, so that means things should be moving along pretty soon... Fingers are crossed...

The midwife today said it really could be any time now, but it still may not be for over a week... They don't even think about inducing or anything like that until at least 41 weeks, and even then if everything seems healthy they might leave it for another few days... sigh...

Well, here I am, on my official due date, and still not in labour. In fact, the only unusual thing to have happened so far today is that I'm out of bed, fully awake, well before midday. My more usual thing, when unemployed, is to sleep until at least 1pm! So I don't know if that was just anxiety keeping me awake, or if my body's trying to tell me something's happening soon... fingers crossed, anyway!