Tuesday, September 30, 2003

All stereos should have buttons. Labelled "One meter", "Two meters" etc. Pressing these buttons will set the stereo volume so that you can hear it softly at the relevant distance, and nobody much further away can hear it. None of this fiddling around with volumes and moving stereos around and annoying people with music they can't hear or music they don't want to hear.
I had a rather unpleasant dream last night about being shot and possibly killed. I remember running and hiding, it was in the bush on my parents' old property. I was running towards the house, I had some notion that I would be safe there - I remember thinking something about a bulletproof room. I reached the garden near the house, and was running for the door. The gunman wasn't far behind me. I looked over my shoulder and he was so close, and the gun seemed so large from that distance. He fired, and it was like in The Matrix, the bullet seemed to be moving slowly. I twisted my body and felt a kind of thud as the bullet lodged in the right side of my back. Somehow I kept running, I made it into the house and was searching frantically for a room I'd be safe in. I got to the other end of the house, not having found safety, and I turned to run back the other way - only to find the gunman standing in my path, grinning, with the gun a couple of inches from my head. He said, "It's time for us to say goodbye to each other." There was a bang - I don't know if he shot me, or if police had arrived and shot him. I woke up at that point, my pulse was racing and I was covered in sweat.

Monday, September 29, 2003

Human beings are the most amazing of creatures. Life can be depressing, dangerous, upsetting, traumatic, and tumoultuous. Yet somehow, a large proportion of us do not commit suicide. Life, when considered realistically, consists of going to work, getting money, spending money, coming home from work and dealing with little everyday stresses. For the amount of time we spent ecstatically happy, there is twenty times as much time we spend mediocre and twice as much time we spend actively depressed or upset. How can we live like that? Why do we live? Especially those who believe there's something better waiting for them after death - how can they stand to live in this Hell on Earth when they know they could be in Heaven just by stepping off a bridge?
It's nice to be at work. Nobody makes me feel bad or guilty, everybody is friendly and sympathetic - even if they don't know what's wrong. Happiness makes it's comeback.

I visisted Amanda at her new place yesterday, she's living in Mitcham about 10 minutes walk from our place. It's a fairly nice place, 2 bedroom, reasonably small but she is living there alone so size isn't a priority.

Doh, clock just ticked over that extra minute, I go do work now.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

Self-Confidence Crisis

I cry every time my cat avoids me. Does that sound like a sign of a well-balanced person to you? No.

Many people compliment me at work, my clothes and hair and sometimes even my face and body. I thank them and smile nicely. But deep down I'm wondering why my cat always bites me. I'm wondering why I can always tell when Dave will want sex that night - because he hugs me as if he means it sometime during the day before. I'm wondering if my singing is really as bad as Wayne seems to think it is. In short, I'm wondering what's wrong with me. Nobody manages to love me. My friends may like me, but Dave's love for me seems to be wearing thin, and Zeus apparently loves me only as an object to bite.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

I've just linked this blog to Weblogs.com, according to Blogger... I wonder if it works?
I'm sitting at Gill's desk now. Although his name isn't spelt like that. Guillermo. He's not here today, so I moved to his desk to be sociable, instead of being stuck over the other side by myself. Now I'm at the desk next to the stereo! I'm listening to that instead of listening to this tedious 360-second recording. That's 6 minutes. To do a 2 minute recording. Woohoo!
It's looking nice outside now. When I walked to Mitcham station this morning it rained on me, and now I'm inside and safe and warm, it's stopped raining. Typical.
I'm just going to leave this post-editing window open and add stuff whenever I think of stuff. Do you like stuff? Stuff is good. This is going to be a rambling nonsensical post. I like it!
We've just been grossing out the local New Zealander, Mary, with tales of poisonous Australian snakes and spiders, and my brother's brutal method of killing rabbits. New Zealanders are funny. They come from a country where there's nothing overly dangerous or poisonous, and are surprised by the existance of red-bellied black snakes, and spiders that can kill!
I'm just back from my first 15 minute break. Early. Breaks are so dull when you're alone!
I forgot to bring my mobile phone to work today. I feel lost and vulnerable without it, isn't that pathetic? How reliant I am on the little thing. Perhaps I should leave it home more often and learn not to depend on it! It's not like I even use it all that often, it's just that I'm used to having it there all the time in case I do need it, or in case somebody tries to contact me.
Should I re-design this page? Again? It is a little plain. But to brighten it up you really need pictures, and I prefer not to use pictures at all or to keep them to a minimum, out of respect for dial-up users. I'll think about it...
When I was young I used to notice things about the world I lived in. Now what I mostly notice is that I don't notice stuff anymore. So this morning, I watched the rain. How the puddles never got a moment's peace from raindrops and ripples, how the heavier drops from the corrogated iron above fell straight down while the lighter raindrops were blown to sharp angles. It made interesting patterns.

The train was full of rowdy Collingwood supporters today. (If you're not a Melbourne resident or a Brisbane Lions supporter, you may be unaware that today is AFL Grand Final day. This has no effect on me whatsoever as the Bombers aren't playing.)

There are a total of 4 people here at work today. Chris, Karina, Mary, and myself.

I need to notice more things. As I grow older my mind is getting more and more closed, my views more and more fixed, and my apathy more and more pronounced. I need to be a child again.

Friday, September 26, 2003

I found the website of Craig's band, the(fucking)setup. No I'm not obsessed with Craig just because I've mentioned him twice in this blog in the last couple of days. He sits next to me at work, we get along fine, we talk, and I think it's cool that he's in a band. (I'm sick of people picking up "insinuations" and "connotations" and other things ending in "tions" when there isn't any there.)
Dave's on night shift this week and is still asleep when I leave. Every day before I go I semi-wake him, give him a kiss and tell him I love him. He gets this smile on his face that's a happy smile and a sleepy smile and a loving smile, and it just melts my heart every time.

And this morning I didn't see that smile. I was running late for my train and just burst into the bedroom, grabbed my phone and yelled "I gotta go!" and left.


Thursday, September 25, 2003

You are Purple!

What colour are you?
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?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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Some people have cool blogs. Their entries are interesting, funny, or moving. Craig's is one of them. Mine's not. Mine's dull. Nothing all that interesting happens to me. I just get annoyed at stupid new people at work making stupid old mistakes. And I get drunk. On weeknights. That was stupid.

All my deep and interesting thoughts are contained in paper journals in the bottom of a box on the bottom of a pile of junk in the garage. I wonder if I should dig some of them out and type them up and put them here. Could be interesting. It would make me look cooler than I really am. Cool. Actually that's pretty lame.

Someone committed suicide on my train line last week. By jumping in front of a train. It happened at 7.40 in the morning and was still delaying trains at 11. I was half an hour late for work. A friend of a friend was on the train it happened on, they were taken off the train and had to walk past the dead body.

I'm listening to a recording right now and it sounds like somebody's having sex in the background.
I went to Cossack's last night. I had a legitamate reason for going there, I was going to do something productive, but then we got drunk.

We were sitting there watching Black Books on DVD and he suddenly goes, "Want alcohol?" so we spent an hour walking to some obscure bottleshop and back and then had less than 2 hours and drank more than three quarters of 700ml of Vodka. 40% alcohol.

Felt a little seedy this morning. But had a toasted egg bacon & cheese sanger from Chaf's Cafe and now feel Almost Human.

I am getting a little bit worried about some of the moles on my right arm. They're itching and going kind of scabby. Perhaps I should see a doctor, are docs open on Sundays? I'm working this Saturday... possibly next Saturday. Darn doctors, I see them too much as it is getting a prescription for the pill every year!

Saturday, September 20, 2003

Words That Come To Mind When Describing Myself

    Can't think of a word for it, but I like to make people laugh
    (Showed this list to a friend, he said "You forgot weird")

Saturday, September 13, 2003

This blog would be more up-to-date but my computer shat itself. We've just had to go and buy a new motherboard and CPU - that's after buying a new power source to find that it didn't fix the problem. So, today we made one trip to Eastland (to buy me more work clothes) and three trips to the computer shop down the road. We passed the same clamped car on Brunswick Street eight times, in other words. Spent over $400 today. Yay.

Zeus has been outside for a lot of today. Everytime he's outside for a while, he's that much more cuddly when he comes in. So now he won't stop lying on us and purring. This morning he bit me on the neck - the vampire cat!

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

What To Do When You're Really Bored At Work

    Max out the credit card on Ebay

    Dance to the Gypsy Kings

    Make up/exchange recipes

    See how long you can hold your breath before passing out

    Sing until your boss offers you incentives to shut up

    Exchange short and pointless emails with colleagues all the way down the other end of your desk
Why does the system take so long to load in the mornings but speeds up in the evenings?

Sounds like a riddle. I certainly don't know the answer. Buggrit. Millenium hand and shrimp. I told 'em.

Monday, September 08, 2003

LOOK HOW FAT MY PARENTS HAVE LET MY CAT GET!!! She used to be such a tiny thing! You'd never believe it.
What Happened To Me This Morning

    Zeus used my leg as a scratching post and I had to change my stockings and almost missed the train

    A retarded guy at Spencer St Station said to me "Nice legs, bitch!"

And now it's afternoon, so any futher lists will be "What Happened To Me This Afternoon".
Went for a drive to Sherbrooke Forest today, to feed the birds, but it was packed and there were no birds.

Sunday, September 07, 2003

I've only just woken up and already it's a crap weekend. I only have 1 day of it - worked yesterday, working tomorrow - and do I get my boyfriend for that day? Nope. Tennis. He was up until past 4am watching it, and then he got up at 10am or something to go and watch it some more. He even had an alarm set. Who sets an alarm on a Sunday? I just stayed in bed dreaming about lesbian sex with a girl at work. My subconscious has really bad taste.

Saturday, September 06, 2003

At work I am, again. Wayne (to whom I report) isn't in on Saturdays, and neither is half the darned floor, so it's quiet, casual, and we get away with doing bugger all. I like it! I was almost going to call in sick today - I felt really nauseous in the early hours of this morning, and sometimes I'd be staring around the room and it would look like a photo taken at ISO 1600 - that is to say, it looked like a photo full of noise. But I clearly remember thinking "ISO 1600" somewhere in the delirium. I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep from about 2am onwards, but when I did end up getting up at 8.50am, my stomach was ok (not great, but ok) and my vision normal (well, short-sighted, but that's normal for me). Anyway, here I am at work, earning $ so that I can pay other people more $... money makes the world go round. But more importantly, money puts food in my mouth and ADSL on my computer!

Friday, September 05, 2003

I am so incredibly tired. I went to Andrew's 22nd last night, with Chantell and Glenn, and I didn't get home until 12.30 or 1am. I so wanted to sleep in this morning, but nooooo I had to get up and come to work. So now I'm emailing lots of people, updating blog (duh), and waiting for the cursed TCM to load again.

Jess invited me out with her and Amanda tomorrow night, to Crown, I'll probably go. Woohoo.

I'm tired.

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

Zeus's Antics Tonight

We made pancakes. So, naturally, I lit a hotplate and put the frying pan over it with the oil to heat up. I turned away to get some things out, when I turned back Zeus was crouching on the bench next to the stove... with singed hair! He didn't even realise he was burning, he was unhurt, but he did stink of burnt hair!

And then we put on our lightening ball thingy (see pic) and he decided to play with it! Funny! Cute!