Thursday, October 06, 2005
Some of you have given me email addresses; I will be writing whenever I can to inform you of goings-on. I probably won't be Blogging while overseas.
Take care, everybody. I don't care too much if I get spammed, so I'll leave my email: email@example.com
Nice knowing you!
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Went out last night with some Posties - Pete, Dave, Amanda, Serita, Michael (ex-Post), Louise, Mus, Stacey, Mark, and Richard. I think that's it. I got very very drunk. I didn't really feel it until after I left... managed to get home ok, and even coherently talk to a lady on the train. But once I got into bed... well, I got up, puked, went back to bed, and passed out. Apparently when Aidan got home he was all looking after me and stuff, wet cloth on the face to stop me getting a hang-over, and talking to me... I vaguely remember something wet. Nothing else, I was that out of it. He's such a sweetie.
Tonight I'm by myself - Aidan was working, and staying at his parents' place tonight. So I watched School of Rock (yes, the Jack Black one), and then started listening to full-on rock music way up loud... moved on to some punk/ska kind of stuff, and I've been dancing around like an idiot.
So, my Post-Post celebrations are complete. I have made a fool of myself both in public and in private, and I don't regret a moment of it!
It's been an interesting couple of years. I started there in November 2003 - young, naive, inexperienced. It was part of my "utter change" - breaking up with Dave, moving back to Hawthorn, leaving Teletech behind me for a new job. It was a month of turmoil. So, into the International section of the CCC I went. Only problem was - for my first week, I was taking Domestic calls. So, I sat with a group of people who only knew International things, asking them Domestic questions. Odd. Things got easier in my second week when I was taking International calls! There I remained for about nine months or so - going through several Team Leaders including Ness, Nick, and Damo. Damo was the beginning of my REAL time at Post. He was annoyingly encouraging and positive! He took me with my apathy and ignorance, and he schooled me and obtained training for me. He eventually got me placed in the Domestic Resolutions Team - for "two days", mind you - where I actually stayed for the rest of my time with Post.
Time in the Resolutions Team was far more interesting, and there I discovered that nobody knew everything about Post. The team's knowledge was spread over each member of the team, so that all together we knew everything or where to find it! The team was diverse, interesting, intelligent - among the best people I've worked with. Once again, I out-lasted several Team Leaders: Carolyn, Vicky, Dale.
Everybody says this about Post - whilst the work itself may suck like a vacuum cleaner, the people there are fantastic. I didn't say it, because I didn't want to sound like a parrot. But it's true. I will miss a lot of those people, and I hope we all keep in touch.
Anyway, I'm now well into my first day of unemployment in about three years. The morning was lovely... laying about, breakfasting in a cafe down the road (they're not kidding when they call that the Big Breakfast), op-shopping... Then Aidan had to go to work. I finished my jigsaw puzzle, made some nachos, had a cup of tea... and now I'm a little bored. Retrospective, too. Looking back over the last couple of years...
Before he left, Damo once said that he'd seen the changes in me since I started dating Aidan. I didn't see it myself, but he said I was happier, more confident, and optimistic.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
I think all my friends have personality problems.
I won't name them.
One's an antagonistic bugger.
One gets on the defensive and wants to prove he's better than everybody.
One has major self-confidence problems.
One is clinically depressed.
One is anti-social in the extreme.
One laughs when she gets angry.
One believes the rest of the world is insane but he's fine.
There's more, but I can't be bothered listing them. What does this say about
Monday, September 19, 2005
Friday, September 16, 2005
Louise has been asking me what I want for a going-away gift. I'm hardly used
to asking for things and even less used to having a chance of getting them.
I feel very very selfish and mercenary and guilty about giving her a list.
Is that weird? Guilty. That's definately how I feel. I'm trying to play it
down and make a bit of a joke of it, but I still feel funny.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Actually that would take too long.
During the last month or so, for the first time in my life, I've felt
respected and useful. I feel like people are going to miss me - that's a new
one. As much as I whinge about Post, it has been good for me in some ways. I
feel that when I leave, people are going to miss my contribution, my
knowledge, myself. Weird. But cool.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
I've just been to visit Aidan in the bookshop during my lunch break, as
usual. Apparently we're going to talk more about his anxieties tonight. I
confess I'm getting rather anxious myself as to what his anxieties may be. I
have to keep reminding myself - these feelings or thoughts in him are not a
new thing. The expression of them to me is new. But they are not. So it's
not about something changing or a recent problem. I hope. I don't really
know what to think. I'm glad he's telling me and letting me inside his head.
I'm grateful to him, and proud of him, for that. But as to what he may
actually say... I guess I won't know how to feel about it until I hear it...
Monday, September 12, 2005
I can't believe some people. I was just having a quick read through the
emails I've got to respond to this afternoon.
- Person 1 has emailed me three times with insufficient information, and is
angry that I have not assisted her - even though I've told her what
information I need to do so.
- Person 2 turned up to a passport application appointment, having forgotten
his passport application form, and is then angry that staff insist he
reschedule the appointment - he needs to get organised.
- Person 3 has a PO Box with a broken lock, and demands I compensate him,
when logic would suggest that he should simply ask the Post Office to
fix/replace the lock.
Friday, September 09, 2005
- Inability to make small talk
- Lack of interest in petty gossip
- Lack of "fashion sense"
- Avoids clubs like the plague, and pubs only slightly less so
- Insecurities leading to the belief that nobody would turn up if I invited
So what the heck am I meant to do for a "going-away"? From work, not from
Australia. I'm confident that Andrew, Chantell, Dom, and Howard would turn
up to a Leaving Australia party. But work... the tradition is
after-work-drinks on your last day... Must I?
Thursday, September 08, 2005
> There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by
> This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you
> receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any
> means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life
> If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take 2
> good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as
> Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE).
> The quickest acting WINE type is called
> Swift-Hitting-Infiltrator-Remover-All-Zones (SHIRAZ) but this is only
> available for those who can afford it,the next best equivalent is
> Cheapest-Available-System-Killer (CASK). Take the antidote repeatedly
> until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
> Forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends you have
> already been infected and WORK is controlling your life. This virus is
> DEADLY (Destroys-Every-Available-Decent-Living-Youngster).
> Update 05-05-05: After extensive testing it has been concluded that
> Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but
> may require a more generous application.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
I'm boring. My mind is void. All I can talk about is Australia Post. God I
need stimulation. If only correct mail redirection procedures were
interesting to anybody else, or worth knowing just for the sake of it...
New Topic That Isn't Post:
We're going to take out our travel insurance tonight! And buy journals for
the trip! Exciting!
Sunday, September 04, 2005
On a lighter note - everything is wonderful! Life is a haze of happiness, anticipation, love, and so forth! Last night Aidan plied me with sparkling shiraz, and covered the bed in rose petals.
I'm trying to sort of diet - in a sensible and non-extremist way. I'm mostly just trying to cut down on needless snacking, and get more excercise. But I want to snack! The only way I can not-snack is by not having any snacking food near at hand. I'm hungry! I think it'll be time for dinner as soon as that man walks in the door!
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
"Why would anyone want to leave here?" asks Mark.
I wonder... it could be the "21st Century Sweatshop" atmosphere, it could be
the politics, it could be the constant complaints from customers and staff
alike, it could be the strict adherence to ridiculous procedures. Or a
combination of all of those...
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Wow. What an incredible day yesterday was. Full of laughs and smiles and love and togetherness. Not a mope nor gripe in sight! It was a lovely sunny almost-spring day, and we lay in bed for a couple of hours just to snuggle. We just did stuff and it was great. I couldn't even tell you now exactly what we did, apart from the washing and dinner. Oh, dinner! We made a pizza - gluten free, mind you - and god we did a good job! That was a nice pizza! We got all dressed up for dinner, and had roses and candles and stuff, and it was all beautiful. A fitting end to a beautiful day.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Tuesday was fairly bad, stayed home. Wednesday, fine. Thursday, went to work, felt very very very dizzy, and was rescued by an angel. That is, Aidan left his job early to come and get me and bring me home. Friday, still fairly crappy, stayed home.
Fine since then!
And now I'm at home on Aidan's birthday while he's out a Nine Inch Nails. Thanks for the suggestion, "Anonymous" - I've already got sexy underwear. I suspect body paint probably has gluten in it (everything bloody well does, it seems) so I couldn't have it but Aidan could... it's not a bad idea! Where, though? SexyLand? I've never noticed it there. Anyway, it'll have to wait until at least next week... who's bloody stupid idea was it to make women bleed for a whole week out of every month? Ridiculous! And who's even dumber idea was it to make us incredibly horny for that entire week? Anyway, enough griping.
I'm at home and the place is a pigsty. There's something about mess... it reaches a point where you just get depressed at it and cleaning seems like more effort than it's worth, so you just sit and sulk and try to will the dishes to clean themselves and the floor to vacuum itself. That method hasn't worked so far, but that's no reason to stop trying now! (Kind of like tradition - just because something stupid has been done for three hundred years, that's no reason to stop it now!)
I was talking to mum earlier. I've mentioned jokingly that Nathan is my only competition, and I told her Aidan was out with Nathan tonight. Mum's all like, "Are you alright with that?" as if I'm honestly worried! I laughed and said "Of course!" Now I don't think poor mum knows what to think! Anyway she called to say happy birthday to Aidan, so I have to remember to pass on the message when he gets home even though it probably won't be his birthday by the time he gets back.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
There's a man who sits outside the Catholic Bookshop on Lonsdale Street
every day. He is homeless, thin, unkept, and must lead a miserable
existance. I can't help but wonder how he came to be there. Surely at some
point in his life he had a home, a family, a job of some sort? What sad and
destructive path must a man follow to lose all he has, and end up on
Lonsdale Street with a backpack and a handful of other people's spare
change? I often think of stopping to talk to him - to find out, to make him
feel like someone cares, to take him out for lunch! But something stops me.
I gave him money once and told him to have a good day. Then I realised what
a hollow and pointless thing that was to say. But it was too late, I had
already turned the corner, he was out of sight.
I bought Aidan a bunch of flowers yesterday, and took them to his work
during my lunch break. Nothing expensive or flashy, just a nice colourful
bunch of orchids... but gosh, what a reaction! He was over the moon! I only
did it on the spur of the moment, on a whim, and I'm so glad I did! I love
making him feel all cute and loved and stuff. So gorgeous!
Monday, August 01, 2005
One thing that gets to me about Post is the petty adherence to ridiculous
processes and procedures.
One thing that gets to me about Aidan is how easy he can be to take
advantage of. I worry for him.
One thing that gets to me about Melbourne is the miserable people.
One thing that gets to me about myself is my eternally itchy nose.
One thing that gets to me about now is that it's still 2 months until I can
One thing that gets to me about life is it's inevitability.
Friday, July 29, 2005
I've worked in the same field for so long that my mind has narrowed. I am no
longer open to all possibilities. When considering future careers, all I can
think of is call centres or bookshops.
When I was a child I dreamt of being a singer, an actor, a marine biologist,
and everything in between! Now my dreams are dead.
I hope that a nice long break and a trip overseas will re-open my mind, and
allow me to see all options and paths. When money is no longer something
that needs to be saved, maybe I can study a little, muck around with
different jobs, whatever...
Thursday, July 28, 2005
You wouldn't think that a parcel could just vanish. But they do, on a
regular basis. An item with a barcode might be scanned at the correct
Delivery Centre on the correct date - but then it disappears! Addressee
denies receipt, it's not at the Post Office, it's not in the Dead Letter
Office! Gone! Where?
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
I've been at work for 40 minutes, and already I'm bored and apathetic.
Already there have been debates over policies and procedures and petty
politics. Already I want to go home. I keep reminding myself that I only
have to be here for another 2 months, that's 8 weeks, but that's 2 months
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
I feel like I'm in America! In the last few weeks there have been bomb
scares at Werribee Plaza and Southland Shopping Centre, and today there's
been an "alleged" shooting out the back of the Reservoir Post Office. Nobody
seems to know anything about it, though...
Sunday, July 24, 2005
How can I even begin to describe the last twelve months? It's been a blur of romance, intensity, and happiness, with the occasional minor irritation or misunderstanding thrown in. On those occasions, we assume the Fighting Position - holding each other as tightly as possible, crying on each other's shoulders.
I have grown up so much in the last year, and changed for the better. I've wanted so badly to become a better person, to deserve Aidan. I think perhaps I'm getting there, albeit slowly. We have both been through a lot in life, and although the scars are not physical, I think we have begun to heal each other's souls.
Aidan, I want to thank you for... everything. Being there for me, letting me be there for you, understanding, loving, and accepting. I love you with all my heart and soul, and will always do so.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Thursday, July 21, 2005
What an odd day. Everybody's desks were all messed up this morning, as if
somebody's just trashed them for the sake of it or like there's been a very
strong wind come through! Then the fire alarm went off - false alarm, no
evacuation, drat! Also I'm in a weird mood - sort of hyperactive, but angry
at the same time. See previous update!
Everywhere I look there's somebody getting me down. Files and emails at work
are full of whinging customers who have no life and don't seem to realise
it's a human being they're dealing with. People in the street who look at
you funny if you smile. Colleagues who look at you even funnier if you
imitate the Wicked Witch of the West in an attempt to make the fax machine
work. It's driving me insane!!!!!!
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Anyway. Today is... actually it's too early to tell how today is. It's Sunday, which means Aidan's at work and I'm at home. I've done a little cleaning, washing, dishes, etc. Now I'm bored. Just downloading and listening to music.
Oh yeah, Fang died. So within about two months of getting two goldfish, we now have none left. What are we doing?! I've had goldfish survive for years before. Or at least one year. You put them in water and give them food, it's not exactly rocket surgery! Oh well. I guess this means we don't have to worry about someone looking after the fish while we're overseas!
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Seems I may be gluten intolerant. Also seems this new gluten-free diet may
take some getting used to. Whilst I haven't had the usual indigestion feel
today and yesterday, instead I've just got the runs and feel hungry and
empty - like everything I eat just goes straight through me. Grrr.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Monday, July 04, 2005
Friday, July 01, 2005
Monday, June 27, 2005
The weirdest thing about the whole experience is that I haven't been worried, stressed, concerned, or at all upset by all the car troubles. I've been more than happy to simply sit in the car with Aidan waiting on the RACV or the tow-truck or dad or whoever. We've had some intense emotional moments, and I've really enjoyed the whole trip. Yes, all of it. Of course, it's Monday now and I'd only arranged to have Friday off work, so I had to call in this morning and explain that I wouldn't be at work because the car had broken down on the way home!
Aidan seems to be coming to terms with the fact that I love him and don't really care that his car sucks. This is good.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Sunday, June 19, 2005
I've been downloading (or attempting to download) a few songs I haven't heard in ages or stumbled across or whatever today. There's a song by Vika & Linda called "We've started a fire" that I've been trying to download for literally years. I still can't find it. I've got 17% of somebody else's version of it, but it won't download any more. It's been a day of gentle music, predominantly female vocals, soft and soothing. As opposed to rock, metal, and so forth.
Incidentally, my head looks like a blueberry muffin. I tried to dye it purple, and it went funky instead.
I'm now considering getting married in a simple evening dress from, for instance, Syndicate, instead of either a wedding dress or jeans. Not to worry, I've still got almost two years to think about it. There's something about talking over wedding plans... it's easy to get used to living in a certain way, with a certain person, but when you start talking about the wedding it inflames some kind of passion and hope and looking to the future... I don't know how to explain what I mean, but it's wonderful. I become tangled up in the here-and-now and tend not to think about the there-and-then much. Every day is just another day. But wedding plans put everything in perspective or something.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Everybody around me is talking. It's a call centre, I suppose that is to be
Aidan has his first two exams today. I am confident on his behalf, given his
own lack of confidence! Also he had a job interview yesterday and they want
him to come in again next week! Exciting! Except I think he's changed his
mind and doesn't want to work there. Every three seconds he wants a
different job, and is equally enthusiastic about all of them. So we'll see
I'm at work, I'm bored. I don't want to be at work. Every morning, the
prospect of coming in to work and doing the same as what I did yesterday
seems so tedious. I am dismayed to find myself caring, getting involved - in
customer's problems, in Post politics, and so forth. Instead of being
apathetic at our broken down printer/fax/photocopier, I am distressed by it.
Somehow this has become more than "just a job", and it scares me. I don't
want to come back here when we're back from overseas.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Science science science. Is that all he thinks worthy of knowing? Excuse me
for breathing and not knowing how. I'm so dreadfully sorry that my best
marks were in English Literature and I had to take extra tutoring for
Biology. I am not a smegging genius, nor will I ever be. I'm more likely to
bumble through life achieving constant mediocrity, than to shine and stand
out. I take more interest in history than the latest scientific discovery. I
can't help it, and yes it makes me feel unworthy and low and not good enough
and not smart enough.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
I got a call this morning from a recruitment agency, wanting to arrange an
interview for a new job. I said I'd call her back in a few hours. This is
dreadful - I'm institutionalised, afraid to leave Australia Post, afraid
that if I give Post my four weeks notice I may not get another job. Part of
me thinks that for the sake of our overseas trip, I need to stick with what
I know - my secure, relatively-well-paid job here at Post, until we leave.
The other part of me says "Overcome your fear, do something new!" But is it
worth it, for four months? I think I should stay here, although the decision
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Had a good day yesterday. Went out to Chadstone with Andrew, Chantell, and of course my gorgeous fiance. Chantell seems to have calmed down somewhat and is acting like something that passes for a normal human, instead of the manic depressive jack-in-a-box she used to be. It was a good day, and I have set a new personal record: I spend $99.95 on one item of clothing. It is a very sexy black silky shirt. I know it's very sexy, because when I walked out of the dressing room in the shop wearing it, Aidan boggled and couldn't string two words together. So I bought it. Previously I hadn't spent more than $80 on any item of clothing. And I thought that was expensive.
Anyway, Chadstone was only part of the day. Before that, Aidan and I went op-shopping here in Mentone. And after Chadstone, the two of us went out for dinner, to a really nice restaraunt/cafe in Mornington. There was an emotional moment, because I can't stop to think before I open my stupid fat mouth, but that was overcome with a little communication and an alcoholic beverage with dinner!
Today I'm home by myself while Aidan's at work. I've told him I've done some housework, but I only said that to make myself do it so he won't be disappointed when he gets home. I am in the process of doing the clothes washing, and the dishes are sort of half-done - the dishrack isn't big enough, I'm having to do dishes in stages. I'll do some cleaning up shorty, and I still have to go into the shopping strip in Mentone to get Aidan a belt he saw yesterday and liked. So I guess I'd better hop to it!
Monday, May 30, 2005
It struck me yesterday that insecurity is really a subtle form of arrogance.
When a person is insecure, firstly they seek constant re-assurance - "It's
all about me... isn't it? Tell me good things about myself", etc. Secondly,
insecurity leads people to believe that if something is wrong with somebody
else, it must be their fault - "I did this to you, didn't I? Because I'm so
awful..." and so forth.
What a weekend. Long and slow and cold, Aidan ill, myself irritable and
snappy... and now, Monday morning, I think I'm coming down with what Aidan
had. It's kind of hard to tell now, since I've dosed myself up with Sudafed
and Panadol, but once that wears off I have a feeling I'll come down hard.
I stress too much about meaningless crap. When I think about things and
realise I've got another 70 years at best, and the Earth will be consumed by
the sun in a few billions years anyway... what does it matter? It won't make
Monday, May 23, 2005
Yesterday was also very emotional. Not with mum, but with Aidan later. The poor lad has been carrying around skeletons in closets, and thought that I'd mind when I found out. I won't go into details - he knows how I feel.
Friday, May 20, 2005
I sit and I sneeze. I type and read and make phone calls. I dream and talk
and stare at the pictures of Aidan on my wall. I fantasise about getting
out, getting away, doing anything other than work here. I create bookshops
in my mind. I look forward to getting home and not working for two whole
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Fog this morning, lots and lots of foggy fog.
I feel ill. I've had hiccups for about half an hour, it's really giving me
the irrits and making my stomach churn.
Last night was meant to be the start of my CAE course in becoming a
bookseller. But the tutor never showed up, so we were sent home. Better luck
next week, hopefully!
Living with Aidan is going really well. He's an absolute darling when it
comes to cooking, washing up, cleaning, vacuuming, footrubs... actually,
everything. I am quite possibly the most fortunate woman on Earth. Except
for the minor inconvenience of my job!
Saturday, May 14, 2005
I've applied for a Team Leader position at work myself, although I doubt I'll get it since I found out who else has applied. But that's ok, at least I tried.
Anyway, I came home and did stuff. Played the MUD a little, washed dishes, read Lord of the Rings. Aidan came home all stiff and sore and tired, so I made him dinner and washed up again and rubbed stuff into his back. I like looking after him when I get the chance. More often than not it's him looking after me, which is indescribably sweet. But I like to be able to do stuff for him. He's getting better at letting me, and even asking me!
Friday, May 13, 2005
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Monday, May 09, 2005
I'm so over Australia Post. Even if it weren't for the constant abuse from
customers and Post Politics, I'd still be over it. I feel so stagnant -
every day is just another day, and every week is just like the week before
it. Where's the challenge? Where's the motivation? I'm going to apply for a
Team Leader position, that might be better. Otherwise I'll try for Carolyn's
job - yes, my beloved manager Carolyn is leaving Post. I guess that means
I'll no longer be her minion, which is good news for Aidan because then I
can be his minion instead.
I want to go home.
Friday, May 06, 2005
Saturday, April 30, 2005
So now I'm at home doing some cleaning up and washing and blogging, and Aidan is in Seaford supposedly writing an essay but probably playing computer games! Well, maybe not. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. It's silly, you'd tihnk I'd be sick of having him around by now... but I actually miss him. I always miss him. Sigh.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Monday, April 18, 2005
Sunday, April 17, 2005
A while ago Aidan and I were comparing the things that really piss us off, or something. So I told him my big no-no, which is people being late or not showing up without letting me know. As long as I know, I'm fine. But if I don't know, I tend to "wait" for people - not move from where I am, not eat if I intend to eat with this person, and so forth. So, what does Aidan decide to do tonight? Instead of coming home after work, he decides to drop in on his old place in Seaford where Matt and Shane still live. He'll be home around 7, instead of the 4.30-5 I expected. One simple SMS letting me know that, and I would have been absolutely fine. Instead, I was waiting for him. Getting hungrier. Lonlier. More tired.
Oh yeah, it sounds like a small thing. But I reckon if I added up all the time I've spent in my life waiting for other people, I'd have a couple of years there that I could have done something useful with.
Maybe I am at fault. Maybe it's some little anal thing that only bugs me and nobody else cares. Maybe it's one more thing to add to the list of things about myself which are unreasonable or stupid, one more thing to try not to get pissed off about. Maybe I'm sick of trying to be perfect. Give me this fault. There's a hell of a lot of things I don't mind. I'm incredibly open minded, and I don't believe in getting in the way of any other person's good time - there must be a hundred things about which Aidan has looked at me incredulously and said "You really don't mind?" So let me mind this one thing. This punctuality thing. Let me get annoyed, I'm allowed. I'm not perfect.
I am a disappointment.
Other people's daughters have high-profile, well-paying jobs and expensive cars. Other people's fiances don't mind them getting home late. Other people's friends call them more often. Other people's employees are dedicated to their work.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Monday, April 11, 2005
Friday, April 08, 2005
Everywhere I look I see her smile
Her absent-minded eyes
And she has kept me wondering for so long
How this thing could go wrong.
It seems to me that we are both the same
Playing the same game
But as darkness falls this true love falls apart
Into a riddle of her heart.
She's so vulnerable, like china in my hands
She's so vulnerable and I don't understand
I could never hurt the one I love
She's all I've got
But she's so vulnerable
Oh so vulnerable.
Days like these no one should be alone
No heart should hide away
Her touch is gently conquering my mind
There's nothing words can say.
She's coloured all the secrets of my soul
I've whispered all my dreams
But just as nighttime falls this vision falls apart
Into a riddle of her heart, yea.
She's so vulnerable, like china in my hands
She's so vulnerable and I don't understand
I could never hurt someone I love
She's all I've got
But she's so vulnerable
Oh so vulnerable.
Don't hide your eyes...
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
ever possibly desire about Australia Post should be on our website. Do they not realise just how many products and services we provide? It's not as though we just deliver mail or only provide personal banking facilities. On our intranet site there is an ever-growing list of our products and services, I got bored today and counted them. Seventy-nine, that's 79, products and services, and that's an incomplete list. How are we meant to provide detailed information on each and every one of them on one website? Maybe
it's just me, but that seems awfully difficult. Especially given that no given person in this entire organisation knows everything about everything. Except maybe Carolyn. Possibly Allan. But nobody else!
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Monday, March 28, 2005
Today I was listening, through no choice of my own, to several rap songs - or maybe they're called, however inappropriately, R'n'B. Whatever. Anyway, the lyrics seemed to be all about getting "a piece of you" or wanting "somebody nasty" or how the singer "likes it tasty". In short, the lyrics speak of people, particularly women, like objects. It's disgusting. Very little offends me, I don't get upset or distressed at most things, but those songs do. They encourage men to think that way, and encourage women to believe they're no better than a sex object. It's more of the "I'm ugly unless I have big boobs and a nice bum" mentality, expressed constantly although less explicitly on television and in magazines. I, as well as thousands (maybe millions) of other women in the world, have a negative self-image. I certainly don't need myriads of songs, TV shows, magazines, and advertisements telling me yet again that I'm not pretty enough (forgive the unintentional Kasey Chambers reference), or that I must lose weight so I look like a twig with hair, or that if I don't use Clearasil the boys won't like me. I don't need to be told that all any man will want from me is my body, probably only for the night, before he moves on to the next girl who is probably prettier or sexier or has larger breasts than me. I don't need to be told that I have to put out to be accepted.
Anyway. Enough ranting. I'm over it.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Friday, March 18, 2005
I feel like such a boring person. Weeks go by and I can think of nothing worth telling anybody!
I went out with Wayne tonight, briefly. Saw Olivia and Gill too, and met some guy called Allan. Fun night, but Wayne and I left pretty early, around 7.30, due to the rather awful "entertainment" - a singer who couldn't sing and a guitarist who couldn't play the guitar.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Mum and dad came to the city today, I went and had "birthday lunch" with them in Lygon Stret. That was nice.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Danke Shoen, Darling, Danke Shoen
Thank you for all the joy and pain
Second balcony was the place we'd meet
Second seat, Gold Dutch treat, you were sweet
Danke Shoen, darling, Danke Shoen
Save those lies, darling, dont explain
I recall central park in fall
How you tore your dress, what a mess
I confess thats not all
Danke Shoen, darling, Danke Shoen
Thank you for walks down lover's lane
I can see hearts carved on a tree
Letters intertwine for all time, yours and mine that was fine
Danke Shoen, darling, Danke Shoen
Thank you for seeing me again
Though we go on our seperate way
Still the memory stays for always
My heart says Danke Shoen
Danke Shoen, oh darling, Danke Shoen
I said thank you for mmm, seeing me again
Though we go on our seperate ways
Still the memory stays for always
my heart says Danke Shoen
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Sunday, March 06, 2005
He doesn't realise it, but he's messed with my head. All romance and idealism aside, I've never really believed in Fate or that something may be "meant to be". But this morning, lying in bed with nothing to do but blow my nose at regular intervals, I've been thinking. I was thinking of all the times in our lives when our paths have crossed, and all the things that had to happen to bring us to where we are now. I can trace it as far back as VCE in highschool. If my marks had been higher, I wouldn't have ended up at the Student Village, where Aidan and I met, and where we both met Chantell. There's a clear chain of events, beginning when I got a phonecall from a woman at Melbourne University's Wesley College telling me that only University students were accepted for accommodation there, and I'd only made it into a TAFE course.
Then there's all the silly little obscure things that probably don't mean anything, but it's worth mentioning anyway. He, of course, grew up on the peninsula, and my family had a holiday house down there. He did VicSwim at the Rosebud pool - I can't count the number of times dad and I were turned away from that very pool because it was taken up by VicSwim. There's too much to count, but the more I think about it the harder it gets for me to think it wasn't meant to be.
I want to be a better person for him. I want him to keep thinking that I'm amazing and wonderful. I want to be there for him and support him and look after him. I want to feel more worthy. I want to believe all he says of me.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
This entry hasn't got a point, nor has it got a resolution. It's just rambles and incoherent thoughts. Never mind.
I sent Brad an SMS this morning: "Did mum tell you Aidan and I are engaged?" He called me not long after, the first I've heard from him since before the engagement. Mum had told him, but he hadn't called. Somewhat typical. I think he's a bit weirded out: "You're younger than me!" like he was meant to be first or something. But he did congratulate me. I have a bit of an odd relationship with my brother. I don't know him very well, and rarely have anything to say to him. I suppose it works both ways.
Again, no point. Mutterings.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Ok, Ok, I'll get to the concussion. Chantell came over last night and threw her wallet at my head and concussed me! I'm very excited about it - I've never been concussed before as far as I know. Aidan was very concerned and looked after me like... I can't make a similie because I've never seen anything like the way he looked after me. It was incredibly sweet and I'm most grateful.
I've been up and about a bit this morning, thinking myself to be fine, but I shouldn't have. I couldn't finish my breakfast at Picasso's Cafe, I felt woozy and had to come home... very very slowly!
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Last night was just incredible. Aidan picked me up from Seaford station as usual, and there I was all tired and trying hard not to be grumpy and expecting to go back to his place and bum around... instead, he drove me down to beautiful Rye beach, where his parents were setting up a picnic for us. A candle, meats, cheese, nuts, salad, and of course his father the professional photographer. (Darn, I had hoped to stay off film for as long as possible!) It was the most beautiful night, with the sea lapping gently beside us and the slight breeze, and jealous people walking past with sandy dogs... Wonderful! Thank you, Aidan, I love you.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Last night was sort of weird. We went out for dinner, supposedly with Aidan's workmates, and half the people there turned out to be people he didn't know, and the people he (and I) wanted to be there, weren't. So it was awkward, uncomfortable, and somewhat pointless for me. Given that I was there for the express purpose of meeting his workmates.
After dinner we went for a walk on the beach. The beach was empty, chilly, dark. It was awesome. There is something about the ocean at night - it has a mystery and power I can't understand. It is unknowable, ineffable, and beautiful. We walked and talked about many things. Evolution, conservation, ethics, Michael Jackson. Intriguing mix, I know. God knows how we covered all those things in one short walk. Fun though.
I love that Aidan and I can actually talk about things like that. It's not just "Lovely weather" and "How was work?". I also love that he can teach me or show me other viewpoints. A conversation with Aidan is never boring. It's never an arguement; I never lose and I'm never wrong, I just learn and take on board another idea.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
The mail today contained some long-anticipated mail, and I got a parcel delivered at work today. So now I have my ThinkGeek t-shirts and my Discworld stamps. Excellent!
I'm hungry. I should go shopping or something, but that requires movement and I'm tired and lazy...
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Thursday, February 03, 2005
On the other hand, life is treating me quite well and I have very little to complain about! I am in love, and I'm loved too, lots! I'm engaged to be married to my beloved Aidan, and this has caused me to do and say odd things. Odder than usual! I keep feeling like laughing out of pure joy, and nothing can get me down - not even Frank! I'm bouncing off the walls, on cloud 9 (or possibly 10), I'm grinning like a maniac!
One of my recent blogs referred to my need to write more fiction. So I did. See? I'm actually quite proud of those two efforts featuring Renee - I'm considering taking those snippets and turning them into something longer. The Storm has an unintentionally sharp end - I was writing it at work and then I had to go and do work and got distracted and didn't end up coming back to it. I like the feeling that writing gives me. I feel like I can create something, put a little of myself into something. I like the feeling of reading a well-crafted sentence and realising that I wrote that. I can't quite explain why I love writing so much - just that it fills a need somewhere in me.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Sunday, January 30, 2005
The X-Files makes me think too much about too many things I don't really understand. Hence the half-arsed theory above.
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Saturday, January 29, 2005
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Friday, January 21, 2005
Adventures to Shepparton, Euroa, and Longwood East! Re-tracing the steps of my childhood. It felt very odd, to say the least. I haven't been to Longwood East in several years, since before my parents sold the property, and it was very much a trip back in time. Nobody was there, the current owners I believe are in Paris. It's easy to find out where they are, as the husband was a senator and is still in the public eye somewhat. So I wasn't worried about trespassing - anyway, the place is more mine than theirs! My blood and tears have been shed on that place, my childhood resides there still. Wide open spaces, views comparable to nothing this stinking city has to offer, and memories (yes, lighting the corners of my mind...)
Then we got home and I died my hair orange. Not on purpose. It was an attempt at getting back to blonde (you may recall I died my naturally light hair black). So I took Monday off work and spent two hours (and $110) at the hairdresser getting it back to something slightly less horrific. So now I'm blonde again, it feels odd. We made Aidan blonde the other day too, at least his did just go blonde and not orange or anything more awful!
Work this week has been slightly less tedious - although it's probably more me than work that's different. I have some newfound optimism, or rather I'm looking forward to the future and trying to ignore the present! Another thousand dollars or so and I'll be able to book all my airfares. I'm wondering if it might be easiest to go to London first on a return fare, and go to Cairo and back from there. The cost ends up about the same as a round trip Melbourne-Cairo-London-Melbourne. I think. We'll see.
Friday, January 14, 2005
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Difficult question. My life is so clearly divided into Work and Everything Else that it's hard to know which part the term "my life" should apply to.
My Life at Work is dull, repetetive, unimaginitive, lacking in stimulation. My Life's Everything Else is a different matter. There's Aidan and The Love. There's free time to do what I want: wanders around the back streets of Hawthorn, reading, listening to music, singing. I have stimulation, interests, and time flies during Everything Else. Time at Work drags.
I spend one third of each day at Work. One third, approximately, I spend asleep. That only leaves one more third for Everything Else, and even that isn't a complete third... given the travelling time to and from work, and getting ready for work in the morning, I'd say Everything Else is from about 6-11pm each evening.
I'd have to say that in general, I do not lead a happy and fulfilling life. I spend five hours out of every 24 doing exactly whatever I please, and for the rest I am a slave to my body's demands for sleep and a slave to Australia Post's demands for my efforts.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
I'm not so good at putting emotion into words. But it is possible that I've never loved Aidan so much as I do now.
Monday, January 10, 2005
Saturday, January 08, 2005
It's no wonder so many young girls have low self confidence. They've been convinced that they're meant to look like a Ralph girl instead of a human. When Aidan calls me beautiful, now I know what he means... I look real. I'm not expected to look airbrushed. Pimples are ok, eczema is acceptable, and my pierced nose getting red and irritated from blowing my nose or nasal sprays for hayfever... just fine.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
I really loved the skilful way
You beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet!
The river was deep but I swam it, Janet
The future is ours so let's plan it, Janet
So please don't tell me to can it, Janet
I've one thing to say and that's
Dammit, Janet, I love you...
The road was long but i ran it, Janet
There's a fire in my heart and you fan it, Janet
If there's one fool for you then I am it, Janet
Now I've one thing to say and that's
Dammit, Janet, I love you...
Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker
There's three ways that love can grow
That's good, bad or mediocre
Oh J-A-N-E-T I love you so
Oh it's nicer than Betty Munroe had, oh Brad
Now we're engaged and I'm so glad, oh Brad
That you've met Mum and you know Dad, oh Brad
I've one thing to say and that's
Brad I'm mad for you too...
Oh Brad, Oh... dammit!
I'm mad, Oh Janet!
For you, I love you too
There's one thing left to do, and that's
Go see the man who began it
When we met in his science exam-it
Made me give you the eye and then panic
There's one thing to say and that's
Dammit, Janet, I love you...
Dammit Janet; Oh brad, I'm mad
Dammit Janet; I love you!
Monday, January 03, 2005
New Years Eve was a bit dull, only six of us there - five after Aidan left. Only the three girls were drinking, and Emily and I took it easy. Chantell got sloshed and didn't shut up. Ah well, it was something to do.
New Years Day was something else entirely. The most intense, emotional, incredible New Years Day on record. I've done something to Aidan's head, I don't know what it is but I'm not sorry and I'd do it again!
Yesterday was fun. We saw Phantom of the Opera, which was great (screw you, Herald Sun critics!). Had the songs stuck in my head for ages afterwards.
Now I'm at home on my own - Aidan has to work today... and I have to be back at work tomorrow, darnit! Shit happens.