Sunday, March 06, 2005

It's been a... actually I can't think of a suitable word to describe the last few days. Aidan and I have both been sick, and he's been an absolute sweetheart. Despite his own illness, he's insisted on looking after me - bringing me soup, tea, noodles, not to mention hugs.

He doesn't realise it, but he's messed with my head. All romance and idealism aside, I've never really believed in Fate or that something may be "meant to be". But this morning, lying in bed with nothing to do but blow my nose at regular intervals, I've been thinking. I was thinking of all the times in our lives when our paths have crossed, and all the things that had to happen to bring us to where we are now. I can trace it as far back as VCE in highschool. If my marks had been higher, I wouldn't have ended up at the Student Village, where Aidan and I met, and where we both met Chantell. There's a clear chain of events, beginning when I got a phonecall from a woman at Melbourne University's Wesley College telling me that only University students were accepted for accommodation there, and I'd only made it into a TAFE course.

Then there's all the silly little obscure things that probably don't mean anything, but it's worth mentioning anyway. He, of course, grew up on the peninsula, and my family had a holiday house down there. He did VicSwim at the Rosebud pool - I can't count the number of times dad and I were turned away from that very pool because it was taken up by VicSwim. There's too much to count, but the more I think about it the harder it gets for me to think it wasn't meant to be.

I want to be a better person for him. I want him to keep thinking that I'm amazing and wonderful. I want to be there for him and support him and look after him. I want to feel more worthy. I want to believe all he says of me.

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