Friday, July 22, 2005
I don't like tonight. Aidan's at a Seether concert, I'm home by myself. I'm bored, lonely, and I have a headache. This place is a mess, and instead of cleaning it up I'm wallowing in it, and in my own self-pity. I am fully aware that if I clean up tonight, I'll have shit all to do tomorrow while Aidan's at work. And on Sunday while Aidan's at work. What kind of weekend do you call this? "I'll put off cleaning so I won't be too bored later." As if it's some kind of treat I'm saving up for when I really deserve it. God my head is killing me. It has been all afternoon. I wish it wasn't too early for sleep. I tried to make bread again tonight, but despite being in the oven at 200 degrees for almost an hour it just stayed doughey and yuck. In the end I lost my temper and threw it in the bin. One more failed bread attempt. I've been weirdly moody tonight, talking and yelling to myself, throwing things around, crying, and so forth. I'm ok now, more sedate, although still down. My head feels like a tetanus injection. The same on-going ache that just won't go away no matter what I do. I just want to scream at it, "FUCK OFF!!!" but I know it's useless. I mean the pain, not my actual head. My head is sort of useful at times and I'd rather it didn't fuck off. I think I've decided to abolish paragraphs. Or maybe I just didn't bother putting any in.