I think what makes it the worst is that it's totally out of my control. I've contemplated moving before, of course... But moving to a place of my choosing at a time I'm comfortable with would have been a very different thing from uprooting my life because of somebody else's decisions. It's not as though Aidan is making me move, but practically speaking I don't have much choice. I could tell him to choose between me and his job, but that's cruel. The job makes him happy, he'll never find anything else that he could get so excited about, I couldn't ask him to leave it, or choose, or anything. Woman I am, complete bitch I am not.
I also find it hard to imagine life being any better, or even as good, as it currently is for me. I have a great job in a good location, I have friends within coo-eee, and I think most importantly I have familiarity with my area. I know which areas to avoid after dark, there are places which have significance to me for one reason or another, I know how to get into the shopping centre if I need something after the main doors are locked for the night. I even know Melbourne's weather patterns! They're mostly not very nice, but I'll miss them!
I am finding it hard to mentally adjust to the idea of all that changing. Suddenly I will have no job, I'll be staying in a hotel while looking for a place to live, I'll most likely be moving to somewhere I've never been before. My friends will have to shell out a couple of hundred bucks to visit me, or vice versa.
On the plus side, I'll be with Aidan.
He seems to think that saying "I love you" will make all of the above go away for me. He tries, he knows how I feel and he really wants me to be happy. I'm trying to be happy. I'm definately happy for his sake.
I can only hope that, with time, things will get better. I will get over my doldrums, I will find a job I like just as much as this one, I will become familiar with Our Nation's Small and Insignificant Capital. And in this case, I hope that familiarity will not breed contempt. I might even make new friends, although it's hard to imagine any new friends being as good than the ones I've got! (Hi Andrew!)
I try to maintain optimism. But as the time draws nearer, optimism gets harder...