Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Sometimes I find it hard to decide what I want. Particularly recently. One minute I think I want to find somebody new, then I change my mind and want to be alone, or maybe I want Jon back, or perhaps I should just chuck it all in and give up forever. The worst thing is, there are logical reasons for all of the above. How you do decide what's best, when the things that make sense contradict each other with different sense? When you're lying awake at night dying for some warmth in your bed, you want one thing. When you're having a great time with mates, you want another. Two months ago I knew exactly what I wanted, for once in my life. Now it's all thrown out of whack again. If a man can do that to me, perhaps it's best that I leave them alone for a while - a long while. Women too, I don't see why it would be any different with them. At least when I'm alone, I can fantasise. Hug Hmmrah the teddy and dream away. After all, the point of fantasies is that they don't disappoint. They don't leave. And they definately don't snore.

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