Saturday, March 17, 2007

Up until the age of 17 I lived with my parents. I then moved into student accommodation, surrounded by hundreds of hormonal adolescents. Before too long, I moved to a suburb deliberately close to the home of a guy I was dating. Then we moved in together. Then we broke up and I moved back to where I had been... very soon after that, a good friend moved into the same apartment block, just upstairs from me. And then there was Aidan, and we moved in together, went travelling together, found another place to live together...

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I've never truly been alone. There's always been somebody, either living with me or living very close to me.

Tonight is the first time in a very long time that I've been alone. Looks like fun, doesn't it? It's been alright - it's a great book, I've nearly finished although I only started a few hours ago. The beer's good. It should be, it cost three times as much as dinner. That's not unexpencted when dinner cost $6 because it's only grapes and popcorn. But I'm lonely.

It's a funny thing: When I'm with Aidan, that's just how things are - normal, taken somewhat for granted. We don't necessarily do much, as such, but I feel his absence like losing my wallet or forgetting to wear socks.

So here I sit as it gets later in the evening... it doesn't feel right to go to bed by myself, so I stay up late. I have five more nights of this! I don't know what to do with myself. Scoff, if you like, but I'm not a very sociable person with lots of friends to go out with - the friends I do have I tend to see once every six months or more. Besides, after work I'm too tired to do anything much with anybody anyway.

I will rely more than ever this week on my "online mates" - all of you who comment so nicely on my blog, some people from an online game I play sometimes, and I might even log onto mIRC again after a very long break.

I hope soon to break out of the lonliness and depression currently gripping me - I'm sure it's only the unfamiliarity of the situation taking its toll.

So if anybody has any ideas on how to keep myself amused for a whole week, I'd love to hear them.


Jewel said...

I do know how you feel, Stace. After 21 years of marriage, my dear husband and I are so attached to one another. Though I don't obsess about it, I sometimes think about what I would/will do if anything would/should happen to him. "He is the other side of me" He is nine years older than me, so the chances of me outliving him are pretty good. *feeble grin*
Stay busy this week, reading, doing things about the house. You know, cleaning out, organizing. Go shopping. Visit family. I'm here for you! ((HUGS))

Cazzie!!! said...

Hire some movies, go to the cinemas, have a look around at what is on this week, perhaps some arts show somewhere...have a coffee with some friends :)

Homo Escapeons said...

You could start listing your favorite songs of all time...
favorite movies, books, pets.

List your 'lightbulb'
days... when you discovered something TA-DA that has never left you.

Describe which laws you would enact if Aliens landed and made you the grand poohbah of this Galaxy.

Tell us your strategies for transferring the Trillions of dollars wasted on the Military and how the different the world would be if that money was put into Health and Education.

Post some pictures!!!

Allan said...

If you ever feel like cleaning the fridge out / talking / checking out your book collection (i hope my bookmark has not been lost ;) ) just yell this way anytime to break the boredom ;)


Bibi said...

I used to know what that was like ;-) Now I sing and dance, blast my music, have a girly night (face masks and conditioner etc). Watch movies, read, yak on the phone, write letters. He'll be home soon!

Menchie said...

hey stace, i know how quiet it gets when you're alone for a few days.

i would probably do the ff.:
- make plans with friends (you've done that already) :D
- get dvds of great tv series I missed and have a marathon
- get a massage
- catch up on my reading

Stace said...

Thanks all for the good ideas!!! I did do some girly stuff - the hair dying last night... going from purple to blonde involved bleaching first and then dying over it again, took ages! I've been reading a fair bit... the fridge does need cleaning out, Allan, but not nearly so bad as the other one!!! I'll manage it :)

HE - if aliens landed and gave me total control, at least 90% of the world's population would be executed "just coz I felt like it". Anybody who leaves a message on this blog will be exempt from that law! :)

Bibi - I was singing and dancing around to Michael Jackson last night... don't tell Aidan he married a Wacko Jacko fan, he'll have a fit! :)