Up until the age of 17 I lived with my parents. I then moved into student accommodation, surrounded by hundreds of hormonal adolescents. Before too long, I moved to a suburb deliberately close to the home of a guy I was dating. Then we moved in together. Then we broke up and I moved back to where I had been... very soon after that, a good friend moved into the same apartment block, just upstairs from me. And then there was Aidan, and we moved in together, went travelling together, found another place to live together...
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I've never truly been alone. There's always been somebody, either living with me or living very close to me.
Tonight is the first time in a very long time that I've been alone. Looks like fun, doesn't it? It's been alright - it's a great book, I've nearly finished although I only started a few hours ago. The beer's good. It should be, it cost three times as much as dinner. That's not unexpencted when dinner cost $6 because it's only grapes and popcorn. But I'm lonely.
It's a funny thing: When I'm with Aidan, that's just how things are - normal, taken somewhat for granted. We don't necessarily do much, as such, but I feel his absence like losing my wallet or forgetting to wear socks.
So here I sit as it gets later in the evening... it doesn't feel right to go to bed by myself, so I stay up late. I have five more nights of this! I don't know what to do with myself. Scoff, if you like, but I'm not a very sociable person with lots of friends to go out with - the friends I do have I tend to see once every six months or more. Besides, after work I'm too tired to do anything much with anybody anyway.
I will rely more than ever this week on my "online mates" - all of you who comment so nicely on my blog, some people from an online game I play sometimes, and I might even log onto mIRC again after a very long break.
I hope soon to break out of the lonliness and depression currently gripping me - I'm sure it's only the unfamiliarity of the situation taking its toll.
So if anybody has any ideas on how to keep myself amused for a whole week, I'd love to hear them.