Monday, July 27, 2009

The last 24 hours have been difficult. Before I go any further I want to make it absolutely clear that I love my daughter very much, all the time. But, oh my god... why can't they be born with more communication skills?? She's been so unsettled, crying for no apparent reason, not sleeping or even lying quiety unless she's being hugged by Aidan or myself. We've both gotten a bit... tetchy... I just feel so helpless and useless. Aidan's been utterly wonderful in trying to give as much help as he can; I'm trying to write essays and stuff at the same time as being mum... but Aidan can't breastfeed! A couple of times I've had to ask him to give her a bottle of formula, which he doesn't like doing, but it's a godsend to me just to have that little bit of extra time, and rest, and both hands free.

I've been doing a few quizzes and suchlike, mostly on, and I'm beginning to worry that I may be suffering genuine post-natal depression - and that concept only depresses me even further. I'm going to mention it to my GP when I see her next Monday (if I make it that far without going crazy!!), but hopefully it's just the "baby blues"... Everyone says the baby blues go away about a week after the birth; it's been nearly two weeks now... I dunno, I guess I'll just hang in there and see what happens. If nothing else, maybe some temporary antidepressants can just take the edge off it and help me get back on track. I hate the thought of taking them, though. Oh well, whatever will be, will be...


Menchie said...


i think it's the feeling of handing over control of your life to the little one. that's how i feel most of the time. i don't even know what time i can take my bath! it depends on what time my mother can take the baby. it can get depressing. but i promise it gets better as they grow up.

Stace said...

I'm hoping so, Menchie! As she gets more communicative and less helpless... maybe things will get better :)

Jewel said...

Stace....I didn't produce enough breastmilk so I had to supplement with formula and he was fine. Please don't be so hard on yourself about using formula occasionally. And when I went back to work when he was six weeks old, I could only breastfeed him when I was home, so he took formula through the day. He switched back and forth like a charm! Thank goodness!
One thing, I didn't make the formula as strong as it was instructed to do. I used the powder formula and made 1/2 to 3/4 normal strength. He didn't like it full strength, probably because of the breastmilk.
Daniel's first few days home were nerve-wracking for me as he just wanted to nurse all of the time and I wasn't getting any sleep. My doctor told me to let someone take him for a few hours and get myself some much needed rest. The baby wouldn't be any worse for it. And I HAD to have the break! We don't have to be superwomen, Stace. And your body has been and continues to go through some immense changes and fluctuations. Do what you must to care for yourself and get the rest you need.
I will be praying for you, little Elspeth and Aidan.