Wednesday, October 22, 2003

The nighttimes are so very depressing. I spend very little time alone, and I have no desire to, as my friends are all I have now, and I intend to enjoy their company as much as possible. But at night, everyone's gone and I'm left alone in my tiny apartment. If I'm not so sleepy, I simply sit and mope for a while. It's not healthy. There are some things to cheer me up. One thing which cheers me up is something a friend said to me last night: "Git, you are loved." Of course, that was right before he said "Remind me to hit you tomorrow" and "Night". But still!

Don't get me wrong. I don't regret anything or miss anyone. All I miss is the constancy a relationship brings - the reliance on a single person who is always there for you. However in the last months of our relationship even that was strained, so what I'm missing now is more a memory or an ideal, than a reality. I am unused to independence, to relying only on myself, and I find it hard. I have lived in Melbourne since January 2001, and started going out with Dave in March 2001. Before I moved here I had my mother to rely on, after I moved I had my brother, and after leaving my brother's house I had Dave. Always somebody, and now just me. It is an odd feeling, but generally good. Something that needs getting used to. I have weird urges to SMS Cossack if I'm going to be home early or late, until I remind myself I don't have to tell anyone those things anymore!

Anyway, onto more mundane things. Work today was good. Went to some spiffy place at Crown Casino for lunch, got slightly tipsy, insulted my boss (who was possibly also slightly tipsy) and came home early! Not that I don't insult my boss most days anyway. Once he said that everything I say is a lie, so I said to a friend loudly that he (the boss, not the friend) was cute. Three days later he was still giving me the finger for that!

To bed, to bed. It's half past midnight! Not very late, I grant you, but I do still have to get up in the morning for work.

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