Howard and I went to see Billy Thorpe last night, man it was awesome! He's old, but he can still rock my socks off. Age just means he's had more time to practice, I guess. A guy called Brian Cadd was in the audience, apparently he's a great old songwriter or something, anyway he got up and did Honky Tonk Woman with Billy, that was fantastic. Another unexpected event was Somewhere Over the Rainbow sending shivers down my back - who'd have thought. When I walked out of the concert I was buzzing, but it didn't take much time for me to crash. Sitting in a pizza place with Howard, I was almost falling asleep! Trying to read SMS's from Aidan, and it was all just meaningless blurry words. Very fun night though, very cool, much awesomeness.

Stella was cracking me up at work today. She'd be on a phone call, sounding so helpful and nice to the customer... and all the while she was making awful faces and obscene hand gestures at me, indicating the customer was a wanker and so forth. I just couldn't help laughing out loud, I'm sure her customers probably heard me. But oh well! Today was such a slow and boring day at work that any amusement was more amusing than usual.

Too busy to update!? Well, stranger things have happened. I didn't get home until almost midnight last night, after hanging out with Aidan for a bit in the city. And tonight was singing again, fuck that's exhausting. I'm loving it though. Life is pretty sweet right now. I'm young and pretty and independant, I have a bearable job that brings home the bacon, and Aidan is proving to have hidden depths - that's a fancy way of saying I like him more than I thought I would. We seem to have an odd understanding, and similarities I've never found in anyone else. Anyway, enough rambling. I need to chill out. Loud music good...

Well tonight was Shannon's fairwell bash, he's heading back up to Brisbane next week. I guess his stay at the CCC was pretty average, about six months. I had hoped he'd stick around longer than that, he was one of the cooler folk around. And Howard's leaving at the end of this week, he is also incredibly cool. Why do all the funkiest people leave? Even Dom and Tash, although they'll still be around, their team is moving to the other side of the building. Oh well, maybe some other funky people will move near me. Mustafa perhaps... Actually I can't think of any more cool people.

I don't know what to say. "John Smith" is a bloody prophet. I did what I enjoyed on Saturday night, Sunday, and tonight. And in the process, I seem to have gotten hooked up with Aidan. A week ago it's the last thing I would have expected, but I didn't really know him very well. I admit I used to find him a little scary. But I've actually spoken to him properly the last few days... he's more interesting than scary. And eerily similar in many respects to myself.

Quoteable Quote of the Day
Trebek says:
scary
Trebek says:
like dave
Safe Penuin says:
what? dave is scary?
Trebek says:
when he tries to eat everything he is

What a great party last night. 7 bottles of red wine, 1 bottle of vodka, 5 people drinking it all. Aidan reckons he and I each had about 2 bottles of wine. I doubt I've ever drank so much, I've certainly never taken so long to recover... I'm still feeling seedy. The night was spoiled a little by Chantell's discovery that I've been chatting to her brother behind her back for a month or so, but she got over it. So anyway... Andrew, Chantell and Glenn left at about 8am for some reason, god knows how they were able to wake up that early. Emily left at about 12.30 to head for the footy (Geelong won, she was happy with that), and Aidan stuck around for another couple of hours I guess. Later on Steve (Chantell's brother) dropped round and threw water all over me and my bed. Admittedly I did it to him first. Oh well.

I was listening to Feel Flows by the Beach Boys today, those lyrics are so very drug-induced. I can make no sense of it at all.

The problem with daytime napping is that when a vaguely usual time for sleeping arrives, you're not tired anymore...

I would like, if I may, to thank "John Smith" who posted a comment here a few days ago. Your comment struck home, you (or should I say your father?) are exactly right. I shall pursue my own interests and hobbies, and if I stumble across somebody who rings the bells and presses the buttons then so be it. But if I don't, I've still done something worthwhile for myself. Hence the singing classes mentioned earlier, they started on Thursday night, and I'm thinking of also doing some classes in acting. I'll go out with friends, do interesting things, and above all I refuse to wallow in self-pity!!! I'm having some people around tonight to play card games: Andrew, Chantell, Glenn, Emily, Aidan. I assume Emily is still coming, I haven't heard from her in a few days. I wonder if alcohol will be involved in tonight? Nobody's mentioned it. But I doubt it. I rather hope not, none of us need it to enjoy ourselves, we tend to get together and act drunk even when we haven't touched a drop... anyway I'd better go and clean up, Andrew should be here shortly!

I'm fairly drunk. I think Chi Lye has just passed out in my bed. So buggered if I know where I'm going to sleep. I can't even type. Goodnight.

Work today was interesting. Howard finally cracked, getting so angry he wouldn't let me talk to him or even do the shoulder thing. I was considering Molotov Cocktails... I mean, we take down customers' addresses on a daily basis, what's stopping us dropping round to cause a little damage to the more annoying ones? Wouldn't that be fun! Burn messages in their lawns: "Don't fuck with Post". As time goes on I'm giving less and less of a shit about Post and customers. My colleagues rock (Dom r0x0rz my s0x0rz, I've wanted to use that phrase here for ages), but the job sucks arse. No "thanks" it can only be "thank you" and no "bye byes" it must be "goodbye"! It is a perfect example of how anal it all is. My quality score is probably fairly good this month, but only out of some fluke. It sure isn't because I care. Today seemed to be full of fuckwitted customers. The really really dumb ones. It happens every now and then, I think it's some kind of mass escape attempt, but their captors generally have them under control within a day or two. Who'd have thought it... the real purpose and aim of a stupid person's life is to ring up call centres and make life hell for the average CSR until their captors subdue them.

I couldn't believe tonight. I got home and there's these red roses sitting on my desk. I freaked out wondering who it was, I had these senseless fantasies that I had an admirer. I couldn't find any note or card saying who they were from. I even thought for a moment it might have been Jon, although I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. I definately thought it was something special, from somebody important.

And then I find out it was Bo. What the hell is he playing at? Who the fuck buys a mate a bunch of red roses? It's such a girlfriend/boyfriend thing to do. You don't buy friends roses. That's just fucked up. Bo freaks me out a bit. He used to insist on holding my hand when we were together in his car, he loves cooking for me, he's offered to drive me to mum and dad's place (that's almost a two-hour drive for god's sake), and now it's fucking roses. Everybody who sees Bo and I together seems to agree that he has the hots for me, but he denies it. I really went off at him tonight when I found out the roses were his doing. He said something like, it's no wonder I can't get a boyfriend if I act like this every time someone is nice to me. Very low.

It's such a small thing for me to get so pissed off over. But nobody's ever given me flowers, except for a very small bunch Dave's mum gave to him to give to me. She picked them herself from her garden, it sure as hell wasn't Dave's own doing. 21 years old, 3 serious boyfriends, a few flings, and zero flowers. So I come home to roses and freak out like WOW!!! I threw them out the window when I found out it was just fucking Bo.

It really does freak me out that he seems to think of me so often. Also that seeing some roses makes him think of me, and buy them for me. He wants to see me so often, he hangs around in my apartment even after I make glaringly obvious hints about being tired and wanting to go to bed, he hugs me for just a little too long when we say goodbye. I wish he'd just cool it. Otherwise he's a great guy - pretty smart, good sense of humour, excellent cook, etc. But clingy.

He's probably going to read this. And he'll be pissed off about it. But it is my blog to express myself, and to remind myself months and years down the track, it is my record of my life. I'm not going to censor it just to save somebody's feelings. Feelings recover. Especially when I have the tickets to Billy Thorpe and The Who, both at the end of this month.

There's something about today. It feels like a time of change. Things are coming together and it feels good! I've almost paid off the credit card, I've enrolled for this classical singing course through CAE, and any attempt at a relationship with anybody is going to have to wait! Unless it's a certain cutie at work, but ha! not likely!

I can't believe how busy the phones were this afternoon at work. Normally 5-5.30 is the dead time, today we had eight calls waiting at 5.15 and only about three staff on to handle them all. We had customers complaining about being on hold for twenty minutes.

I want to go to the Aquarium.

I'm so bored and depressed. Amanda just called and talked for a couple of hours, she's bored and depressed too. We briefly discussed doing something, but I'm tired and she's hungover, so it came to nothing. Anyway, it's 5pm on a Sunday. What is there to do? Loud rock music is good. Heater on full is good. Tea is good. Maybe I'll watch an X-Files DVD, I do have the entire first season... yeah, I'll do that.

I feel like such a cheap little slutty whore. I keep just going and fucking people. I don't know why. I don't get much pleasure out of it. I've lost all self-respect. I'm just a slut. I hate myself. I hate what I do. I want something meaningful. I'm so sick of fucking.

I believe I have discovered the secret of keeping my eczema under control! It's only taken me about three years! I use Egoderm Ointment on my face, the active ingredients of that are ichthammol and zinc oxide. But that doesn't seem to do anything for my legs, so I use DermAid 1%, which contains hydrocortisone. Both of these products are produced by Ego Pharmaceuticals - go Ego, you rock!!!

Caught up with Jon tonight. It was good. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, I thought it might be awkward. But it wasn't, it was just good fun and he's just another mate. So that's good. We shopped, we talked and laughed, we wandered, we had dinner. Good night.

Ugh. Just got home. Went and saw Spiderman 2 with Andrew. Wandered around. Stuff. Tired.

I just sponsored a child!!! Claudine, a nine year old girl from Rwanda. I'm so excited about. I've wanted to do it for years and haven't been able to afford it, and I suddenly realised I can afford it!!!

Quoteable Quote of the Day
Wayne: All I do is love you, all you do is break my heart!

I feel like weeping. Not crying, but weeping. There is a difference, although if you asked me, I couldn't say what it is. It's been a tedious, dull weekend. I've seen almost nobody and done almost nothing. I'd kill to have somebody to fill those spaces. I'm sure the Manic Street Preachers aren't helping, with song titles like Nobody Loved you and You Stole The Sun From My Heart. I have always thought it pathetic to go crawling to somebody who's broken up with you in the hope that they've changed their mind. Otherwise I'd be doing it now. I'd like to think I'm not that sad. It would be pointless anyway. I'm sure Jon hasn't changed his mind. I don't even want him back. He has become an ideal in my mind. I didn't know him long enough to become familiar with his faults or for them to irritate me. I know they would have eventually though. That's just what happens between lovers. Inevitability. Love it. I want somebody. I feel a void, a massive space in myself and my life that I need to fill. Somebody like Howard would probably tell me that I don't need anyone to complete myself, but that's not what I mean. I don't know what I mean. I can't think clearly right now. All I know is almost a physical sensation, a lack. I want. I desire. I tried to quash the desire with sex, but it is empty and pointless. Love is a strong word... I hesitate to say that's what I want. I've had love, and it has failed me time and again. Tenderness, I think, is a good word. It encompasses a lot, and it describes what is lacking. Finding tenderness is not going to be easy. I can find regular sex if I want, I could even find somebody who'd pretend to care if they thought I was going to fuck them for it. But fuck that. I'm over it.

Tealy dropped round tonight. Geez he's a funny bastard. He's a country hick from Camperdown, he tells long-winded and pointless stories about the place, and he doesn't eat burgers, fish, garlic bread (or any garlic at all), chinese, or spaghetti bolognese... I bought him a burger from Grill'd down the street tonight, and practically forced him to eat it. He ended up just eating the beef and the bread, he likes those, but he couldn't stomach the sauce and other standard hamburger ingredients. It seems all he eats is "snags from the barbie", beef, and chips. I wish I could write songs, because I'd write one about Tealy from "Campiedown".

ATA Awards last night. Wow, what a night. Great fun! I only had about three glasses of wine, and the food was only sort of OK, not great, but the live band and the dancing... utterly exhausting, but so much fun! I don't think I've danced in public since highschool, I'd forgotten how much I love it!

Anyway, apparently Damian got a photo of my arse while I was under a table looking for Jenny's bag. But that's ok, he also got a shot of Jenny poking her head out from under the same table. And if you'd told me last week that I'd end up "Walking Like An Egyptian" with Damian... I'd have thought you were mad!

Quoteable Quote of the Day
TerrysAlt (11:17 AM) :
If I'm a monkey, I wonder if spanking me is masturbation. :p *will have to avoid spankers*

I'm so bored. I sometimes wonder why I get bored. I live in Melbourne, for fucks sake. I could get off my arse and go anywhere or do anything at just about any time. But it's so cold out there, and I'm in here with the heater and the internet with all its joys... and my Billy Joel CDs. Billy Joel has such wonderful memories for me. He was always the Holiday Music on the family trips, the "Best Of" tapes were compulsary listening all the way up the coast to Byron Bay. I loved it. Even when Dave and I went on our trip a couple of years back, we listened to Billy Joel CDs. In my mind, Billy Joel will forever be associated with holidays, especially childhood holidays. I've just sent an email to my parents asking them to post my the diaries I used to keep of those trips. I hope they've still got them.

Quoteable Quote of the Day
Conquistador Pablo says:
met a girl
Unskinny bopping! says:
oohhhhhh
Unskinny bopping! says:
and?
Conquistador Pablo says:
shes nice
Unskinny bopping! says:
lol
Unskinny bopping! says:
so are most girls, really
Conquistador Pablo says:
pfft!
Conquistador Pablo says:
psycho nazi's from hell more like it

Chantell and I have decided that we both need steady partners. She's been single for something like two years now, and I don't blame her for being sick to death of it. I've only been single this time for a couple of months or something. Or is it only one month? Time tends to blur, I'm not sure anymore. Anyway, we're going to go out together in a couple of weeks to see if we can pick up. Or something. I have no idea how this may be achieved. All I know is that I want somebody. It sucks having to pull out the extra blankets when you're cold, instead of just moving closer to the one you sleep with. It also sucks having to cuddle a teddy (even if it is the incredibly cool Hmmrah) instead of a human that cuddles back. And yes, I admit, it sucks not getting regular sex!!! There's a warm fuzzy feeling you get when you care for somebody special, and I miss that feeling. Which is odd, when my "New Years Resolution" was actually to "Stay Single And Get Laid". How foolish I was!

I am once again wearing The Dress in an attempt to get used to it. I'm finding it very difficult to look, feel, or act comfortable, wearing the bloody thing. I just got Cossack's opinion... he told me to look more normal and less awkward, so I sat down in my usual manner and he said I looked like a hick! It seems it's one extreme or the other. I will never get the hang of dresses.

I'm so exhausted. I don't even know why... I think I slept enough last night, despite going out with Wayne, and work wasn't that strenuous. I guess it's just one of those evenings. Flake-out nights. Howard intrigued me today, apparently there's something he wants to ask me but he refuses to ask me at work. It's not like him to hold back! Oh well. Today was one of those days at work when everybody's just "over it" - discussing quitting, finding other jobs, or turning to crime. Bitching, moaning, whinging, complaining... even more so than usual. Poor Tash is looking really stressed out lately, she's been at Post since last August and I think she needs a break. I think I should move to Norway, they get people having sex on stage, how cool. Then again, they're obviously not big fans of tourists. I am thinking of moving to Brisbane or something. I keep thinking I want to get away, relax, live a stress-free life. But wherever I am, it's not going to happen. Nothing stops bills!

Quoteable Quote of the Day
Opiate of the masses, I am! says:
i got my nose pierced
Conquistador Pablo says:
bugga
Conquistador Pablo says:
accident?

What an interesting night. A good night, very good. Highly enjoyable. Which is somewhat unusual, for a night involving no sex. I was at Clinton's place. We got on well, talked, laughed, watched TV. And now I'm at home. Oh yeah, I got my nose pierced yesterday too. It looks good, I like it. I might actually get some sleep tonight, and then tomorrow my brain will work and I will be able to write more.

Alright, Clinton, there's your hyperlink.

I'm at Bo's place freezing my butt off!!! I found Michelle Taylor in the paper again - in yesterday's Herald Sun. She was arrested a couple of months back for stealing a client's $1.5 million watch. Oh, I forgot to mention, she's a whore. Literally.

Clinton wants to be blogged. We were supposed to meet up last night, and he didn't show up. I think he expects me to be pissed off about it or something. But it's ok - I was with Andrew, and that's always good for a laugh. So anyway, I gave up waiting after we'd been at Flinders Street Station for an hour, I got home and found Clinton online and using public transport as his excuse. Bloody trains.

Andrew and I went and saw Shrek 2 tonight. I haven't laughed so much in months! It was great. I'm tired.