Monday, November 08, 2004
I feel inadequate sometimes. Aidan knows so much, has done so much and seen so much. I don't feel like I reach some standard. I feel dumb and inexperienced and small. I feel like I'm not good enough. I strive to better myself, but I am myself and there's nothing I can do about it. I haven't saved anybody's life, I've never seen a dead body, I've never jumped out of a helicopter or flown a plane. I've never done anything that means anything. I've gone to school (mediocre grades at best), I've done some TAFE (which I dropped out of), I have a job (in a god damned call centre) where I work nine to five, five days a week, rain or shine, bored out of my fucking head. My life amounts to nothing. I've spent 21 years so far doing nothing. How much longer am I going to waste my time? And what the hell would I do, anyway? Aidan is like a walking encyclopedia of human experience, and I'm the page that says "This book is dedicated to..."